Going Postal

It's the day after the day after Thanksgiving and time to take stock of the situation. Since Wednesday evening, the rdr residence has been just this side of Animal House. In addition to my own off-spring, we took in four strays, male and female, from college and law school and a variety of local under-aged visitors. One hundred ten pound Henry the dog returned from law school as well to make sure that we were all safe every time the door bell rang.

The noise level in the rdr household was somewhere between a herd of seals and a jet engine, and went on that way until the not- so-wee hours. Horrible music emanated from all points as a full range of colorful I-Pods were plugged into every available amplifier. Politics, law and football were argued vociferously by those positioned at odd angles and spread across every available seating surface. Wine flowed freely for those of age (and perhaps others, too, after I had gone to bed) and foods of all sorts were consumed with a vigor that comes from those who haven't made a meal since leaving Mom's house. Henry gained several pounds between 7 p.m. Thursday and 5. a.m. Friday. The driveway was a maze of poorly parked cars with university decals on the windows and there always seemed to be somebody's behind sticking out from the refrigerator door.

Things were quiet Friday morning from 6 until 8 a.m. That's when Henry found where mrs. rdr's cats had been hiding since his arrival and all hell broke loose. I finally made myself some breakfast around 9 after cleaning up the mess the "children" had so kindly left for me and had taken exactly one bite when the doorbell rang, whereupon Henry roused himself and charged for the front door barking and wagging ferociously as all hell broke loose again. It was the littlest rdr's 8 and 9 year old friends looking to play football. The three of them charged upstairs to find him and I returned to the table, whereupon one bite later the doorbell rang and all hell broke loose again. It was three teenage girls coming to wake up daughter #4 (16 y.o.) to go shopping. Needless to say, before I was seated again the doorbell rang and, yes, all hell broke loose. In trudged my wife's friend, and her sister, and their three year-olds, bearing gifts. Much high-pitched hilarity ensued in the kitchen as I tried to eat my now-cold eggs.

Soon I had taken refuge on the front porch to watch the pee-wee footballers tear up the newly seeded lawn. But this peace, such as it was, was not long to be enjoyed. Daughter #4 suddenly rocketed back out of the driveway, and missing the lower half of pavement by a good five feet, plowed backwards into the mailbox post, snapping it off below ground level. The rag-tag football teams cheered, hooting and hollering and thinking it was the funniest thing they had every seen. I went back inside and informed mrs. rdr of the event, and then calmly return to the scene of the accident, whereupon I discover that daughter #4 had spun the wheels into the mulch and soft earth that surrounded the plants that once thrived there, and had buried the small SUV to the axle.

An impromptu neighborhood event was suddenly upon us. People streamed out of their homes to marvel at the sight of a car buried to the axle on my front lawn. "How could she have possibly done that?" they asked incredulously, while introducing several generations of family members come to share the holiday - all of whom mrs. rdr promptly invited in for coffee and pie. All the while I could see their concern behind their smiles. "Jesus," keep the kids inside when this one is driving." Of course, I knew more than I was willing to share. This was daughter # 4's second mailbox victim, and her third interception off a non-moving object when in reverse. The newest dent is going to be there for a while.

After much confabbing, "the men" located sufficient chains, hooks, shovels, implements and four-wheeled drive trucks to pull the stranded vehicle from the deep holes and crushed bushes, whereupon said fourth daughter climbed in and immediately disappeared for the remainder of the day. I trudged off to Home Depot to join the throngs of bargain hunters and secured a new mailbox and post. Meanwhile, the bottomless pits had roused themselves and were making their way through the pantry. Henry threw up on the dining room carpet, prompting mrs. rdr to clean the entire house with the worlds loudest vacuum cleaner. I skipped lunch.

I replaced the mailbox and post, tore out the slaughtered bushes, and rebuilt the stone border surrounding the area, while the homeless students enjoyed hot turkey sandwiches, my beer, and college football on the big screen. Later, more people arrived, including neighbors that I actually like, and we drank wine and port and played word games until midnight, repeatedly interrupted by children of all ages. At last, the clock struck a new day, and in sauntered daughter #4, pretty as you please and an hour past curfew. Grounded for a week.

It was a full day.

Monday is mrs. rdr's birthday, and I've been given permission to buy jewelry.

Yay.

We'll Keep

General Thanksgiving

By the PRESIDENT of the United States Of America

A PROCLAMATION

---

WHEREAS it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favour; and Whereas both Houses of Congress have, by their joint committee, requested me "to recommend to the people of the United States a DAY OF PUBLICK THANSGIVING and PRAYER, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness:"

NOW THEREFORE, I do recommend and assign THURSDAY, the TWENTY-SIXTH DAY of NOVEMBER next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country previous to their becoming a nation; for the signal and manifold mercies and the favorable interpositions of His providence in the course and conclusion of the late war; for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty which we have since enjoyed;-- for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enable to establish Constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national one now lately instituted;-- for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge;-- and, in general, for all the great and various favours which He has been pleased to confer upon us.

And also, that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech Him to pardon our national and other transgressions;-- to enable us all, whether in publick or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually; to render our National Government a blessing to all the people by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed; to protect and guide all sovereigns and nations (especially such as have shewn kindness unto us); and to bless them with good governments, peace, and concord; to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and us; and, generally to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as he alone knows to be best.

GIVEN under my hand, at the city of New-York, the third day of October, in the year of our Lord, one thousand seven hundred and eighty-nine.

(signed) G. Washington

***********************************************************************************

To my son and his dedicated Navy shipmates, to the Army, to the Air Force, and to everyone that spends this day far from home to keep me any my family safe from harm; God bless you, every one of you.
And to the Marines, Semper Fidelis.

Always.
Thank you.

Everybody Loves Somebody

Sam, the world's ugliest dog, passed away today at the ripe old age of fourteen.
If I subscribed to the belief that we are reincarnated into penitant forms that helped pay for our prior sins, then in my estimation Sam should get the eternal "bye week" on reincarnation. Maybe he'll come back next as a "spokesperson" for some politico or another, but I hope not. He's suffered enough.

Goodnight, Sam.
And thanks for wagging your tail...through all of it.
Good dog!










Cue the Dino.

Everybody loves somebody sometime. Everybody falls in love somehow.
Something in your kiss just told me, that sometime is now.

Everybody finds somebody someplace. There's no telling where love may appear.
Something in my heart keeps saying, my someplace is here.

If I had it in my power, I'd arrange for every girl to have your charms.
Then every minute, every hour, everybody would find what I found in your arms.

Everybody loves somebody sometime, and though my dreams were overdue,
Your love made it all worth waiting, for someone like you.

If I had it in my power, I'd arrange for every girl to have you charms.
Then every minute, every hour, everybody would find what I found in your arms.

Everybody loves somebody sometime, and though my dreams were overdue,
Your love made it all worth waiting for someone like you.

The Attack of the Giant Nostalgia

I was saddened to hear of the death of Pamela Duncan.

"Who" you ask, "is Pamela Duncan?" Ms. Ducan was the hot sweater-clad star of the 1957 Roger Corman classic movie "The Attack Of the Crab Monsters." You remember that one, don't you? How could you forget?

Here's the deal: Take one team of Nuclear Scientists, an adventuresome hard guy, a couple of sailors and demolitions experts, add one inevitably hot science-babe in a push-up bra, and dispatch the whole lot to a remote pacific island to study what effect nuclear fallout caused by recent test has had on lifeforms there. Shake well, bake at 350 for 67 minutes.

What do you get? What else? Monster crabs!
I mean, Crab Monsters!!! (Monster crabs is what you get from a weekend at the MTV beach house.) Giant mutant Crab Monsters with human eyes and a bad habit turning scientists and sailors into crab kibble.

The Attack of the Crab Monsters was along the lines of other giant mutant crawly things that are created by mankind as a result of his bumbling around with nuclear energy. 1954's "Them" had giant nuclear ants eating Los Angeles. "Tarantula" came out in 1955, starring Leo G. Caroll as a mad scientist and Clint Eastwood as a napalm-dropping pilot in his first movie role. And, yeah, it was a giant spider that terrorized the earth. Later came "Mantis," "The Attack of the Giant Leeches," and "Squirm" with the electrfied worms.

But for sheer camp, its tough to beat "Crab Monsters." First of all, suppose you were marooned on a Pacific island with nothing but a bunc h of dynamite and some very large man-eating crabs. Who would you want to be marooned with you? Sorry, Ginger and Mary Ann aren't available.
Of course! The Professor! And there he is! Russell Johnson starred as "Hank," the stud-muffin demolitions expert that saves the world by fying the crustaceans with high-voltage, and buys it in the process, thus allowing Pam Duncan (Martha) to live happily ever after with her dorky scientist financee Richard Garland (Dale).

But wait, it gets better! Yes, for these are not just ordinary giant mutant man-eating crab monsters, these are intelligent giant mutant man-eating crab monsters who can talk!

Giant Mutant Crab Monster:"So you have wounded me! I must grow
a new claw, well and good, for I can do it in a day, but will you grow new lives
when I have taken yours from you?"

Me: "Dude! The crab's talking to me! What's in this stuff?"

I know you're wondering just how giant mutant man-eating crab monsters can speak. Easy. Brains. I'll let Nuclear Physicist Karl Wiegand and fellow scientist Dale explain.

Dale: "That means that the crab can eat his victim's brain,
absorbing his mind intact and working."

Karl: "It's as good theory as any other to explain what's
happened."

Well, hell yeah it is! You got a better theory, Cowboy?

Anyway, this movie scrared the hell out of me when I was a little kid - and I mean "little." Giant Crab Monsters biting the heads off of people was not my everyday Catholic school fare. Pretty soon, though, I was hooked. Monster movies reigned supreme! I saw them all, countless times over. I can still which guy buys it, monster fare, and when and how for about 50 or 60 of them. But I'll always remember "The Attack of the Crab Monsters" with particular fondness. It turned me on.

Goodbye, Ms. Duncan. And thanks for the memories.

Down for the Count

I came across the latest results from the quadrennial survey conducted by the Pew Research Center and, not surprisingly, the Democrat elite don't like George Bush.

Other poll results were interesting, even disturbing, such as the one at left which shows a 10% gain in the number of people who think that if we close our eyes and pull the covers over our head the terrorists will leave us alone. Keep in mind that the "2002" results shown were actually taken in the summer of 2001, prior to the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Scary, isn't it?

The good news is that the number of Americans who think that the U.S. should follow the lead of the U.N. is tanking: 54 %, down from 67 % three years ago. Perhaps we are not as brain dead as the numbers would appear. As always, how different socio-economic groups react to the same question is facinating to read.












Which brings me to the chart to the right.
What do you make of this? Nearly half of the 2,006 "general" people polled -- 46% -- believe that torture is justified to extract important information from terrorist suspects, and another 17% say it should be used only rarely. The "elite groups," on the other hand, are by and large against using torture. The fact that a higher percentage of Military respondents answered "never" than did the "News Media" provides an interesting irony, doesn't it? I also admit to be somewhat surprised that only 56% of the "Religious Leaders" showed up in the "never" column, although I did attend Catholic grade school.

Enjoy poking around the poll.
That it's all so meaningless makes it all the more fun.

Bridge to Nowhere Update

G.O.P. Strips Mandatory Funding for Two Alaskan Bridges
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Mandatory funding for
two controversial bridge projects in Alaska -- including the ridiculed ``bridge to nowhere'' -- has been stripped from a federal spending bill, a congressional committee said on Wednesday.

In an unusual move to change ``pork'' spending, House-Senate negotiators removed the $432 million in required spending during final talks on a yearly bill to fund programs for the Transportation and Treasury departments, the House Appropriations Committee said.

As a compromise, Alaska will still receive the money that had been set aside for the bridges to spend as it likes on transportation needs.

Congressional negotiators were under pressure from lawmakers and fiscal watchdogs to address concerns about mandatory spending on pet projects. The bridges had become symbols of egregious spending during an era of record budget deficits.
The quarter-mile $223 million ``bridge to nowhere'' span got its nickname because it connects the port town of Ketchikan to neighboring Gravina Island, population 50. That and the other $209 million bridge - dubbed ``Don Young Way'' in Anchorage - could still be built but now must compete with other transportation funding priorities in the state.

That's right folks! We deserve a great big pat on the back!
We saved you folks a whole lotta money by not blowing it on a couple bridges in Alaska!
Whaddya mean that letting Alaska blow the same amount of money on whatever it likes isn't really a "savings?" Obviously, you don't know much about congressional budget making do you, boy. Whjy don't you just go sit down and let us take care of the country's business, okay?
Oh, and don't go talking to us about how the the country is going broke. As long as you have a job, we'll NEVER go broke!
Ingrate.

Spot The Jackass

See how long it takes you to find out the lawmaker's party affiliation:

Lawmaker's Kin Win $108M FEMA Contract
Associated Press WriterNovember 15, 2005, 1:13 PM EST

NEW ORLEANS -- The uncle and father of a Louisiana lawmaker won three no-bid contracts worth $108 million to provide temporary housing for Hurricane Katrina evacuees, stirring complaints of a sweetheart deal from rival businesses and prompting a state investigation. A state agency is investigating because the lawmaker's family did not have a Louisiana license to sell new trailer homes until well after the company provided the first ones to the Federal Emergency Management Agency.

FEMA wants 125,000 campers and mobile homes for those who lost their homes in the storm that struck Aug. 29. The New Orleans-area motorcycle shop owned by Rep. Gary Smith's family received FEMA contracts to provide 6,400 trailers. Smith's uncle, Glen Smith, said he was able to secure the contracts because he has worked with the federal government for nearly four decades during disasters, removing debris, dredging rivers, and providing mobile housing following Hurricane Andrew in 1992. "We know what it takes to get them satisfied," Glen Smith said. "They didn't just walk up and give us a jackpot. It's not like that."

Trailer dealers were upset that Smith's motorcycle business did not have a license from the state Recreational and Used Motor Vehicle Commission to sell new trailers until mid-October. Glen Smith said he already had a license to sell used trailers and was not aware he needed another one. The commission is close to finishing its investigation into the motorcycle shop's license, said John Torrance, executive director of the agency. The shop's owners are likely to face fines, he said. FEMA spokesman Larry Orluskie said he did know the specifics of Smith's contracts or the licensing requirements. "This is a contract that's going to be looked at along with all the other contracts that are being scrutinized," he said. "If there's something inappropriate, it will be revealed."

No-bid contracts awarded by FEMA for temporary housing in trailers and on cruise ships have been questioned by state and federal lawmakers and businesses that have complained of favoritism. Critics of the government's no-bid contracts have called them gifts to politically connected companies. FEMA said they were needed to speed recovery efforts. Federal auditors are looking into several deals. David Gaffney, owner of Innovative RV in Baton Rouge, said he made three dozen calls to FEMA officials over several weeks trying to see if he could get a contract to sell trailers to the agency. "I was screaming at them," he said. "I'm a mile from the staging area and watched all these trailers roll by me." He finally was told he only could sell FEMA the 37 trailers that were already on his lot, unlike the deal Smith received. Gaffney said he could have supplied the trailers to the government at a lower price than Smith is offering.

Glen Smith said the contracts had nothing to do with his nephew, a state lawmaker since 1999. He said his nephew only handles legal work for the business and gets none of the profits. Gary Smith, a Democrat, also denied that his position as lawmaker had anything to do with the contract. "FEMA doesn't even know I exist," he said. Louisiana lawmakers are debating a bill that could require state officials to inform the state ethics board when they or their family members profit from federal disaster-related contracts.

-------------------------------
Took you long enough.

Egads, I'm In Style Again

I have all the personal style of a stopped clock. My wardrobe is full of such ancient oddities as tawny buck saddle shoes, wing tips, penny loafers, two-button suits, button-down shirts, sweaters and tweed jackets, some of which are 15 years old. On the weekends I favor a polo shirt topped off with a college sweatshirt and sneakers. Sometimes I even wear pants.
As my younger sister told me recently after I hadn't seen her for 3 years: "You look exactly the same. And I mean exactly the same. You always look exactly the same." I don't know whether she meant this as a compliment, but I can't see getting worked up about it. Like that stopped clock, sooner or later I'll be back in style.

Well, it appears from this piece in the San Francisco Chronical that that day may be coming sooner rather than later.

Trend-surfers, beware!

The time has come, as it must for all labels, for the word metrosexual to fade into the dustbin of history. Now this media-driven group of men must step aside as sensitive-guy icons and make room for the latest in alleged masculine heroes: ubersexuals.

The use of metrosexuality as an identifier, like "Generation X" and, inevitably, "Generation Y," has spread impossibly fast since the term became popular two years ago as a way to categorize straight guys who apply moisturizer, tweeze their eyebrows and get facials.

The new ideal, according to veteran trend-spotting promoters Marian Salzman, Ira Matathia and Ann O'Reilly, as described in their new book, "The Future of Men," is ubersexuality. The word means a "return to the positive characteristics of the Real Man of yesteryear (strong, resolute, fair)," according to the writers, who helped spread the word on metrosexuality in the first place.

Unlike metrosexuals, who the authors now claim risk being seen as "sad sacks" who seem "incapable of retaining their sense of manhood," ubersexuals are confident, rugged and influential.

Heh. John Kerry. Heh.

Any how, I've always thought of myself a "Real Man of Yesteryear." Of course yesteryear was a long time ago, and now I'm just an "Old Man of Yes, Dear." Nevertheless, this trend towards male masculinity is a healthy sign for the nation. It also means that I don't have to throw away my favorite jeans with the holes in them for another couple of years. Rugged, indeed.

In Other News...

Marla Mankowietz shows off her winning form during yesterdays' women's freestyle competition.

ARLINGTON, VA. Nov.13,2005-
Cat tossers from all across the Commonwealth gathered at the Tuckrucker Road YWCA Saturday for the annual meeting of the Virginia Feline Flingers Association. In addition to the traditional "cat-a-pult" and "cat-a-ma-ram," demonstrations, this year's festivities included a slam-dunk contest and cat archery clinic. George Ringwort took the home the prize in the men's cat-a-pult catagory with a direct dumpster hit at an impressive 200 feet. In the women's freestyle event, Marla Mankowietz eeked out a victory over two-time champ Ernestine Blanke by launching "Snowball" a record six times into an open clothes dryer at better than 30 feet. "I practiced hard for this event," Ms. Mankowietz said, "but in the end it all comes down to aerodynamics."

I'm Reconsidering

The death threats have had their desired effect.
Heigh-ho will resume publishing shortly.
Thank you for your support.

This Is The End

Ya know, I've been checking out my stats lately, and the 25 or so hits Heigh-ho gets daily (half of which are mine) really don't amount to much of a noise. In a blogosphere already bursting with a plethora of truly intelligent musings and utter bullshit, my minor mental stirrings are, at best, flyswat.

That being the case, I am going to retire Heigh-ho, and spend my time seeking enlightenment and entertainment by making semi-clever comments on the blogs of others.
It's a good thing.


Thanks for visiting Heigh-ho.
I'll send postcards.
Cheers!

Who's On First? Well, What's His Sign?

Further proof (as if it was needed) that bouncing soccer balls off your head leads to mental illness:

FORT-DE-FRANCE, Martinique (AP) - France coach Raymond Domenech said astrological charts kept him from naming a No. 1 goalkeeper. Domenech was supposed to name his top choice Tuesday at a news conference, but he changed his mind.

"I consulted the stars: it was not the right day," Domenech said. "I had to admit we were too far away from the date (of the World Cup finals). There's no urgency."

It's not the first time the France coach has looked to the stars for help. Domenech has said he does not trust players born under the sign of Scorpio - such as Arsenal's Robert Pires - and that Leos do not make good defenders because they have a tendency to show off. [Bite me, Frenchy.]

Domenech could choose his top goalkeeper - either Fabien Barthez or Gregory Coupet - ahead of France's friendly with Slovakia in March. Barthez, the former No. 1 and a World Cup winner, recently served a lengthy ban for spitting on a referee. He has made several errors since his return to Marseille.

Coupet, meanwhile, has been in fine form with Lyon and was nominated as one of the 50 candidates for the prestigious Golden Ball award. [Fifty candidates???? Can't you people make up you minds about anything?]

On the other hand, perhaps Terrell Owens should have consulted his astrological charts before opening his pie hole and ending his career with the Philadelphia Eagles. T.O. is a Saggitarious born on December 7, 1974 ( Of course he'd be born on Pearl Harbor Day!). A quick review of his horoscopes the last few days would have save him a lot of grief. Witness:

Nov 6th:You're about to ask someone for a loan, and you know you deserve it; but don't march up to them with a cocky, 'I deserve this' kind of attitude. A little confidence, of course, is a different story.

Nov. 7th:Pushing the envelope now with a friend won't get you anywhere, and it could cause permanent problems. Try being cooperative instead, or (yes, really) maybe even apologizing if need be.

Nov: 8:You've been trying to watch your tongue for days -- maybe even weeks. But why bother? Refuse to accept this treatment any longer. One good conversation will clear the air, and you need to initiate it.

Today:The next couple of days will be exciting to say the least. You'll be amazed at what you say -- you're already a blunt person -- and at the amazing verbal stunts you'll pull off. [Oh, we'll be amazed all right.]

So there you go, folks. I for one am going to consult my horoscope before picking the winner of the upcoming Philly-Dallas game on Monday night, or even answering the phone. You should too.

A Message To You?

Virginia's Governor Elect Tim Kaine






Stop your messing around
Better think of your future
Time you straightened right out
Creating problems in town

Rudy, a message to you
Rudy, a message to you

-The Specials

It appears from the news this morning that Virginia has "sent a message" to Washington. Specifically, by electing Democrat Lt. Governor Tim Kaine to succeed Democrat Governor Mark Warner, we Virginians have announced that we hate George Bush and are seceeding from the Union until the whole Valerie Plame thing blows over.

Right.

In 2001, one year after Virginia went solidly for Bush, we elected Democrats as both Governor and Lt. Governor. In 2005, one year after again going solidly for Bush, Virginia elected a Democrat Governor and a Republican Lt. Governor. Republicans still enjoy an overwhelming majority in the General Assembly.

Sorry to burst your bubble, Main Stream Media, but this election was not about Washington. It was about local stuff...as state elections should be. Both Kaine and Kilgore are good men, but neither Kaine nor Kilgore was a great candidate. Both ran less than stellar campaigns, and neither could energize the electorate. (Although Kilgore's campaign was a bit sleazier and turned off a good many independants, it was mild when compared to that run by that scumbag Corizine the newly elected Governor of New Jersey.) Voter turnout was low, despite perfect weather, leading me to believe that the Republicans shot themselves in the foot by gerryingmandering so many unopposed races as to keep GOP voters home.

In the end, the race had much more to do with the popularity of Gov. Mark Warner than anything else. Things are good in the Old Dominion. There's nothing to be angry about here. Yesterday, Virginia voted for more of the same. That's it.

But the truth doesn't necessarily sell newspapers.

They're BAAAAAACK!

Our favorite Chinese college students are back with an encore.
No kidding, these two guys are the biggest thing on campus...in the U.S.!

Holidays in Cambodia

What do you make of this?

Suicide-Tourism Web Sites Shut Down After Complaints by Cambodian Officials

Skip directly to the full story.

The Associated Press

Published: Nov 4, 2005

PHNOM PENH, Cambodia (AP) - An American expatriate who set up Web sites offering to help people make arrangements to kill themselves in Cambodia has shut the sites down, saying Friday he hoped to avoid problems with the authorities.

Roger Graham said he voluntarily shut down the sites, which promoted Cambodia as a destination for foreigners to come for suicide - but also suggested they might find life more worth living there.

"There is so much noise now that the authorities might cause me more trouble," he said by telephone from Kampot province in southwestern Cambodia.

The Web sites, which had noted that euthanasia was "not illegal in Cambodia," were not available Friday.

"You are going to die anyway, so why not in Cambodia?" said one of the sites, which also offered a rationale for suicide and links to purchase books on the subject.

Meanwhile, the provincial governor, Put Chandarith, said Friday his office filed a defamation lawsuit against Graham with the provincial prosecutor, accusing the American of tarnishing the image of his province.

The governor threatened to revoke Graham's license to run a coffee house [????] in the provincial capital, also called Kampot, about 80 miles southwest of the capital, Phnom Penh.

Graham came to Cambodia in 2003 from Paradise, Calif., where he said he founded the Assisted Euthanasia Society of Paradise.

"I believe in a person's right to choose the time, place and manner of their death," he said Wednesday.

**************
I'm going back to bed now.

The Court of Intellectual Bankruptcy

Hi everybody and welcome to today's "How Stupid Do You Think I am?" The game that tests the capacity of elected officials to treat you, the reader, like a complete moron! Today's contestant comes to us from today's Wall Street Journal letters to the Editor.

Senator Murkowski !!!!
Come on down!!!!

That 'Bridge to Nowhere' Is Span to Better Future

Your Oct. 21 editorial "Coburn the Barbarian" misrepresented Alaska's Ketchikan/Gravina Island bridge project, funded in the recent Transportation Reauthorization bill. The proposed bridge, which Sen. Tom Coburn of Oklahoma and countless media outlets deride, is not a "bridge to nowhere." It is a bridge to Ketchikan's future.

Although Ketchikan has abundant natural resources, options for economic development are limited by its geography -- it's surrounded by fjords, wilderness areas and rocky cliffs. The way to spur economic growth is by developing Gravina Island, some 20,000 acres of private and state land that is ideal for industrial and residential improvements. The local government has prepared a balanced land-use plan for private homes, businesses, industrial facilities, harbors and ample green spaces to maintain environmental values.

The problem is access. Currently, Gravina Island is accessible only by small ferry, on which it is impossible to reasonably carry out large-scale development activities. The idea that a bridge would serve "only 50 people" is an easy sound bite and rank propaganda.

Ketchikan is the regional hub for cargo, health-care needs, the Coast Guard, and a growing maritime industry. The bridge will also serve more than one million visitors each year.* The community has worked for more than 30 years to secure funding for a bridge -- ever since the federal government built the airport on Gravina. It is asking for nothing more than exactly the same kind of bridge connection that is enjoyed by communities throughout our nation.

Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R., Alaska)
Washington

Thanks Senator! Okay, folks, we've run Senator Murkowski's letter through our patented "Heigh-ho Idio-matic Tabulatron" to gauge just how dim-witted the Senator thinks the American public really is. The results are in! Let's take a look!

Wow! She's right down there in Harry Reid territory! Yes sir! That's a record new low for a sitting Republican Senator. Let's got to our panel of experts for their analysis.

Gentlemen?

And there you have it folks. Senator Murkowski thinks the American taxpayers are absolute morons. Why, we must be. Otherwise, how could we have possibly permitted the federal government to build a freaking airport on an island that you can't get to except by boat? It's clear to me that this situation just begs for a response involving hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars more!

Unfortunately, Senator, your bridge to nowhere is a bridge too far. And WE ain't buying it.

I support the Fiscal Watch Team Offset Package.

And I suggest that you invest in a kayak.

* One million visitors a year is roughly the same number of people that attended all of the Dallas Cowboys and Chicago Bears homes games combined during 2004. Even there was a $2 toll for the bridge it would take 107 years to pay for itself. That is, if half of the Senator's "one million" visitors weren't geese.