Monday, December 31, 2007

Beat It, 2007, You're Blocking the View

Here it is December 31st, 2007, and time once more to pretend that the preceeding 364 days were actually worth the daylight by running down the all the important events conveniently grouped by calendar month.
What makes you think that I've got a better idea?
January: New Speaker of the House Nancy Peolsi promises an end to double digit approval ratings.
February: Dixie Chicks win 5 Grammys, vow never to leave Los Angeles again.
April: New Jersey Governor Corzine discovers the purpose of seat belts. Don Imus discovers the purpose of the seven second delay. We all become Hokies.
May: The hurricanes are coming! The hurricanes are coming!
June: Scientists confirm that Barry Bonds supplied steriods to pygmy pandas so that they too could become Giants.
August: While everyone else is busy on vacation, Russia, Canada, and Denmark all "accidently" invade Greenland - Israel Blamed.
September: Larry Craig resigns Senate to take wide-stance position as restroom attendant.
November: Belgians explore dissolving their country in favor of forming a unified doormat with France and the Netherlands.
December: The 2007 Junior Eurovision Song Contest CD goes on sale, and immediately wins 5 Grammys.
All in all, I'd say that if you don't happen to be a fan of the WORLD CHAMPION Boston Red Sox, then your year was probably as forgetable as this post. Which, dude, is like, epic.
That's okay, folks. You see, I've got it on good authority that 2008 is going to be a WHOLE lot better. Promise.

Happy New Year.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Seasoned Greetings

From all us at Heigh-ho,
To all of you, wherever you are,

We wish you and your family a very, very

Merry Christmas!

Don't forget to give your dog a bone!
If you don't have a bone handy, use a cat.