Friday, March 31, 2006

I Have A Haircut Appointment With Kim, Saturday Morning At 9:30

Julie looks like she could use a trip to the manicurist herself.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Best Intentions

Yeah, you've got that somethin'
I think you'll understand,
When I say that somethin'
I want to hold your hand!
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.

On so many levels.

Cheese Heads

According to this report, the French are far stupider than the British.

BRITAIN and France have experienced long periods of conflict and rivalry, but now victory in one area can be claimed: Britons are more intelligent on average than the French. A new European league of IQ scores has ranked the British in eighth place, well above the French, who are 19th. According to Richard Lynn of the University of Ulster, Britons have an average IQ of 100. The French scored 94. Top of the table were the Germans, with an IQ of 107. The Brits were also beaten by the Dutch, Poles, Swedes, Italians, Austrians and Swiss.

Now, wait just a minute, are you sure about that Professor? I mean, look at this story from today's EUObserver:

Two of Europe’s largest countries are to be paralysed by strikes today (28 March) over social reforms.In France, trade unions have called on public and private sector workers to protest against a new youth employment law, while in the UK 1.5 million local government workers are planning to strike over retirement rights and cuts to pensions. The British unions say it could turn into be the biggest action since the 1926 general strike, according to Reuters.
I don't see a whole lot of intellectual difference here. (Ok, if the Brits don't burn all of the automobiles in town and then complain that they can't get to work, they'll prove the brighter.)
Professor Lynn also weighs in on Continental history:

Professor Lynn ascribes the differences between British and French intelligence
levels to the results of military conflict. He described it as "a hitherto unrecognised law of history" that "the side with the higher IQ normally wins, unless they are hugely outnumbered, as Germany was after 1942".

Well. In that case I sure hope the British don't get into a spat with those brainiacs in Switzerland. They'll get their butts kicked. Of course, I don't see the smarts in starting a war where you are hugely outnumbered either, but that's just me.
Actually, reading about Lynns research is, well, creepy. He's written several books on the subject of genetics and its impact on national and ethnic IQ's and its just spooky. Read this excerpt for the review of his book Race Differences in Intelligence: An Evolutionary Analysis:
His conclusions are that the East Asians (Chinese, Japanese and Koreans) have the highest mean IQ at 105. These are followed by the Europeans (IQ 100). Some way below these are the Inuit (Eskimos) (IQ 91), South East Asians (IQ 87), Native American Indians (IQ 87), Pacific Islanders (IQ 85), South Asians and North Africans (IQ 84). Well below these come the sub-Saharan Africans (IQ 67) followed by the Australian Aborigines (IQ 62). The least intelligent races are the Bushmen of the Kalahari desert togetherwith the Pygmies of the Congo rain forests (IQ 54).

After the ten chapters setting out the evidence for each of the ten races there follows a chapter on the reliability and validity of the measures. These show that the studies have high reliability in the sense that different studies of racial IQs give closely similar results. For instance, East Asians invariably obtain high IQs, not onlyin their own native homelands but in Singapore, Malaysia, Hawaii and North America. To establish the validity of the racial IQs he shows that they have high correlations with performance in the international studies of achievement in mathematics and science. Racial IQs also have high correlations with national economic development, providing a major contribution to the problem of why the peoples of some nations are rich and others poor. He argues further that the IQ differences between the races explain the differences in achievement in making the Neolithic transition from hunter-gathering to settled agriculture, the building of early civilizations, and the development of mature civilizations during the last two thousand years.
Haven't we heard this before? Oh, yes. Now I remember. Dangerous stuff in the wrong hands, Professor. And there are plenty of wrong hands standing idly by.
And why should we believe this Lynn fellow anyway. Wasn't he the same guy that just last year said that men are smarter than women and nearly got me killed by a mob of 4 or 5 red haired women of Irish descent and temperament? Like I said, dangerous.

Monday, March 27, 2006

I Swear, I Know This Girl

Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam
Do the jitterbug
out in muskrat land
And they shimmy
And Sammy's so skinny

And they whirled and they twirled
and they tangoed
Singin' and jingin' the jango
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love


Words Fail Me

A lifesized sculture of Brittany Spears giving birth on a bearskin rug.


Sunday, March 26, 2006

On the Final Four

Hi there. I'm George Mason

You probably don't remember me, but I was instrumental in garnering those constitutional liberties under that you so take for granted. We should talk about that ....

But not tonight. Tonight belongs to the young men that have brought the Colonial Athletic Association it's first ever Final Four berth. Did I say ever? I meant EVER.

Sure, with Duke, B.C., and UCONN out, my pool picks have about as much chance as George Washington had against the British at Brooklyn. But, by God, that's what we meant about bucking the tyrrany of the majority! Yo! Sizzzle! Speak Truth to Power, and jam the Boards!

Anyway, congrats to all of the young men in the green and gold. You are the best Virginia has to offer, and you have shown us the reason why.

Go kick some ass, fellas.

Aw, Shucks....

AM: An athlete with a cause?
TB: Yeah (smiles)

What I wouldn't give for a dose of that humility.

Friday, March 24, 2006

FRIDAY, 5:22 P.M.

Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
I could go a hundred miles an hour
Long as I got the almighty power
Glued up there with my pair of fuzzy dice.
No matter what happens next, it'll happen on the weekend.


Thursday, March 23, 2006

Serendipity? Or Microsoft Conspiracy?

Here. You try it.

Click here for bigger.

Quote of the Day

"The fact that Hashemi didn't do actual killing does not absolve him. Goebbels didn't shoot anyone either."
-Yale professor David Gelernter on that university's decision to admit Sayed Rahmatullah Hashemi--a former ambassador-at-large of the murderous Afghan Taliban--as a special student.

Opting Out

A lot of very bright people for whom I have great respect are, perhaps understandably, very upset at the recent developments in Afghanistan regarding Abdul Rahman, the Muslim turned Christian on trial for his life. But I must admit I more than a little surprised at what is being asked. "Where is Bush? How come George isn't stepping in to save this man's life? After all we've done for them!"

Huh? George Bush is supposed to come charging out of the Oval Office and deliver a major public smackdown on the Afghanis? The leader of the Free World is supposed to publically interject the United States into this matter? Would this be a wise use of the powers of the Executive Office? Is this what we expect of our leaders, to become personally involved in every injustice? I don't get it.

Sure, the guy's a Christian, and the Afghani law that would take his life is incredibly stupid to we westerners, having ourselves long ago ceased the burning witches and heretics in the name of Jesus. But ask yourself: Of all the injustices in all the world, why this one? Why should we expect that our Government needs to rouse itself and step into the breach?

I suppose the larger question is why does this nation feel the need to react with near hysteria in certain instances and go sleepy time at others? Terry Schaivo? Hysteria. Dharfur? Zzzzzzzz. Dubai Ports? Hysteria. The Walmart-China "joint venture?" Zzzzzzz. Larry Summers? Hysteria. Rapidly dropping U.S. student proficiency in math and science? Zzzzzzzzzz. Abdul Rahman? Hysteria. Bishop Jia Zhiguo? Zzzzzzzz.

I suppose it can be put down to the fact that, thanks to the 24 hour news cycle and a billion blogs we can get hellfire stoked up in mere minutes. "Outrage" is the order of the day, and I admit to routinely drinking from the cup of anger, so I cast no stone. But our national attention span seems to have grown so short that we can only focus on issues that (1) we can put a face to, or (2) can be quickly wrapped up in time for the next American Idol. Impatience, a rush to judge, an inability to think long term, these are rapidly becoming the new American traits. And I find it unsettling.

I certainly hope that Mr. Bush stays quiet on this subject. And, having spoken my piece, I'm going to join him.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Past Times

I know, I know...I've been working too hard.

From today's New York Times Corrections :

Because of an editing error, a sports article yesterday about the family of Xavier Nady, who is a contender for the Mets' right-field job, misstated the birthplace of the Hall of Famer Nap Lajoie. It was Rhode Island, not France.

Normally, this is where I blast the dunderheads at the Gray Lady for not doing even a modicum of basic research before blabbing out something completely wrong. But not today. Because it really doesn't matter where Napoleon Lajoie was born. As far as baseball is concerned, he was born at second base.

Nap Lajoie was one of the all-time great hitters of the dead ball era. (This was roughly 1900-1920 before they juiced up the ball for Babe Ruth in order to win fans back to a game tarnished by the 1919 Black Sox scandal.) In those days, home runs were an oddity. The game was all about "small ball" - base hits, bunts and steals - and a team needed a patient slugger to move the base runners along.

Nap was perfect in that role. In 1901, his debut year with the Philadephia Athletics of the brand new American League, he led the league in hits (229), doubles (48), home runs (14), runs scored (145), and RBI (125). His batting average that year was an astonishing .422 . No player since Ty Cobb has ever come close to matching that American League record. (Nap's arch nemisis, Cobb, hit .420 in 1911, but never came close again.)

In 1910 Lajoie was in a hitting duel with Cobb that has become part of baseball lore. As reported by the Baseball Library :

The 1910 batting title was hotly contested, with a Chalmers automobile to go to the leading batter. Most of the baseball world rooted for the popular Lajoie and against the hotheaded Cobb, who had won the three previous titles. On the final day of the season, Lajoie bunted for seven infield hits and swung for a triple in a doubleheader at St. Louis. St. Louis manager Jack O'Connor was ultimately fired when it was revealed that he had ordered his third baseman to play deep against Lajoie. Lajoie finished second by a point despite the machinations but received an auto anyway. Later historical research by The Sporting News revealed Lajoie 's .384 average actually should have won the title. Cobb's official average of .385 was inflated because one of his games was inadvertently counted twice. In a dispute that rose to the highest baseball levels, Commissioner BowieKuhn ruled in 1981 that the mistake would not be corrected.

But Lajoie wasn't just a slugger, he was an outstanding second baseman - maybe the best defensive player ever at that position. He also was, apparently, and unlike Cobb, a pretty decent guy on the field.

"What a ball player that man was! Every play he made was executed so gracefully that it looked like it was the easiest thing in the world. He was a pleasure to play against, too, always laughing and joking. Even when the son of a gun was blocking you off the base, he was smiling and kidding with you. You just had to like the guy." — Tommy Leach

In 1937, Nap was the first second baseman to be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame, the sixth player ever to be added to that shrine. The year prior was the first ever ballot to the Hall, and the sports writers selected the following (in order of percentage of votes received): Ty Cobb, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner, Christy Mathewson, and Walter "Big Train" Johnson. Nap Lajoie was next in that balloting, 24 votes shy of the prize. He led the class of 1937, however, winning more votes than both the legendary Red Sox slugger Tris Speaker and that forever famous hurler, Cy Young. All this, despite never having played on a championship team.

One day, maybe soon, I'll post something about the legal battles that Nap faced in trying to break baseball's infamous "reserve clause" and his place in cementing the American League as an equal to the older, more powerful National League.

But not today. Today is just about remembering a little piece of that grand game our fathers so adored, and about the men who made it part and parcel of an American life. I owe the Times a big one for jogging that memory out of of me on an otherwise forgettable Wednesday in March.

When the big scorecard gets signed, let it read that one hundred and ten years ago, Napoleon Lajoie, from Woonsockett, Rhode Island, picked up a baseball glove and played himself into American history.

The French should be so proud.

Monday, March 20, 2006

In the Pacific

All my possessions for a moment of time.

Elizabeth I (1533–1603). Alleged last words.

Shamelessly, if gratefully, ripped off from (click for bigger)

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Famous Last Words

"Oh what the hell, I only live next door."

Friday, March 17, 2006

The Wearing of the Green

On March 17, 1762 it is believed that a small group of Irish people marched through the streets of New York to the inn of John Marshall at Mount Pleasant to celebrate the life of St. Patrick, patron saint of Ireland. Perhaps a few New Yorkers took notice of this modest procession. It's unlikely that any of the marchers or those that observed them could have dreamed they had just witnessed the traditional first marching of the largest annual parade in the world.

Joseph E. Gannon, The Wild Geese Today

That's a long parade of parades - 245 years worth. And on a crisp, clear morning in 1969, I donned the dress blue JROTC uniform of St. Francis Xavier High School and proudly strode down Fifth Avenue in tribute to my forebearers. From 44th Street north past St. Patrick's Catherdral, where to our youthful cheers Terrence Cardinal Cook extended his blessing. Up past the Met we marched, smart and straight through the stone canyons bouyed by the pipes and the roar of a million voices. Twenty-six blocks Thirty eight blockswe marched, bursting with pride in our faith and in our heritage. Twenty-sixThirty eight blocks of fame and glory that still tickles me today.

And all of it spent directly behind the NYPD Mounted Patrol. My dress shoes were never the quite same.

See you there again , someday.

Bain taithneamh as an deireadh seachtaine.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006


I've got to do law stuff for a bit.
Amuse yourselves at my expense.
Or tell me what you see at left.
Or both.

Back on Friday with beer.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

'Till Death Do Us Part, Part LXVIII

Every marriage goes through a rough patch now and again. But a better advertisement for The Silverbullet than this couple would be hard to find.

A MEXICAN couple were recovering separately after a marital spat got out of control and saw them firing guns, throwing knives and hurling homemade bombs, Mexican daily Milenio said yesterday.

In scenes taken straight out of hit romantic comedy Mr and Mrs. Smith starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Juan Espinosa and Irma Contreras fought until their house blew up in a homemade gasoline bomb explosion, the paper said.

Police called to the home in the indigenous Mayan Indian town of Oxkutzcab in the southeastern state of Yucatan arrested Mr Espinosa. Ms Contreras was taken to hospital with third-degree burns.

A local police official confirmed the report but declined to provide further information.

In the violence-filled movie about the fictional Smiths, Pitt and Jolie play married assassins ordered to kill each other.

Mr Espinosa told reporters he was glad his wife had suffered burns, while Ms Contreras said said she was only sorry she had not "hacked off his manhood" during the fight.
This reminds me of that old slip up that supposedly found its way in a newspaper: His friends could give no reason why he should have committed suicide. He is single.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Unsuspecting Attorney Relives Horror of Pink Snow

Because there wasn't any real news going on in the real world, I decided to take a quick web trip to Moscow and check out what's shakin' in the Motherland.
Nothing could have prepared me for the horror that awaited. Pink snow.
Pink snow!!!!!!

Creamy Pink Snow Covers Russian Region

Creamy pink snow has covered the northern regions of Russia’s Maritime territory, news agencies reported Monday.For some reason, the snow that fell in the densely populated northern regions after a powerful cyclone had acquired a pink color of varying tints.Experts at the local meteorology centre said sand from neighboring Mongolia was to blame for this unusual natural phenomenon. Before it arrived in Maritime, the cyclone passed Mongolia, where sand storms had been raging in the desert. “The winds of the cyclone embraced dust particles that colored the fallouts,” the experts said.February’s yellow snowfall with a strong odor and an oily texture was observed on Russia’s Far East island of Sakhalin. The color, odor and texture of the snow may have been a result of environmental pollution caused by the island’s oil and natural gas industry. However, experts do not rule out this could be caused by volcanic activity.

Ho ho ho! Volcanic activity my sorry butt! Sure it looks "pretty," what it being creamy and pink and all. BUT PINK SNOW IS EVIDENCE THAT THE MOST DANGEROUS CALAMITY KNOWN TO MAN HAS BEFALLEN A YOUNG BOY AND HIS BABY SISTER!!!!!


Friday, March 10, 2006

Friday, 6:43 p.m.- The Madness Wins

What are you lookin' at Pinky? Me or the broad? 'Cause I don't swing in the saddle that way, cowboy. You know what I mean? I'm all about a ladies' bear. Sure, I'm short and hairy, with leaves in my teeth and a bad case of fleas, but chicks just dig the hell out of me. I just can't keep 'em off me. "Oooooooooh! You're soooo cuuuuute! " Yeah, yeah, baby, you too. Now pass me a beer.

And not just any beer, either. When a panda wants to relax with this week's eye candy, he settles down with a beer that says "I'm Grizzly, and I ain't shaved in a week. Rub my belly." Only one brand can bear the weight of that command: Bear Beer! The Beer of Bears!

Look at the grin on that polar dude, dude! You can tell that he's not spending his weekends shooting pool at the Elks Lodge. No way, man, that bear's gettin' some Ursa major majorette! The dude is positively swimming in it, man. He's a king, awright.

Even little Alberto needs only the bear minimum of cool to snag a whole winter's nap full o' snow bunnies. Yo, Bert! You bad dude! I mean bad! B-A-Double-D bad! You save some of that Olympic "gold" for the rest of us, brother! Shizzle!

What do you mean you just can't get the chicks to notice you? You see Marvin "Stinky" Bear out there at the sidewalk table? Man, that dude is just as plain as a Kansas wheatfield! You think you got problems? That dude has no mouth!

Ah, but do you see that fine fine blonde exiting stage right? She be all about Stinky, my man. All. About. Stinky. You know why? 'Cause Stinky's a bedtime bear, dude! He could be as ugly as a Yoko Ono one-woman show, and still split the sheets with Halle Berry. He's been sleeping every night, with every kind of woman, young and old and rich and poor the overdone and the works-in-progress. He don't care! They snuggle the hell out of him, and he gives them everything they are looking for in a bear. You want a second look, Pinky? You remember that face. That's the face that broke a thousand hearts. The dude is a god, man. A freakin' god.

Oh crap! It's Bruno! No, no! Don't look at him Pinky! You don't want to get tangled with him. He's a mean S.O.B. when he's drinkin'. Strictly a bad news bear when he gets drunk. (And between you and me, I've heard that the reason he's so mean is his whisper whisper whisper wishper wishper.....) Really, dude. If'n it was me I'd be a mean drunk too. But you never heard that from me, right? I mean, I wouldn't want to have to rip your throat out with my six inch claws or anything, ya know what I mean?

So, Pinky, it's Friday evening. Why are you hanging out the freakin' zoo anyway? Sure, you're pink and soft and relatively hairless, but I'm sure that there's someone, somewhere out there that'll take some mercy on you. Here's hoping that she can still walk on all four legs.

Whoa, dude.

You'd better drink...a lot.



Thursday, March 09, 2006

Great Career Moves, Part CVII

Everybody has had their bad days.
It's just that now, with the Internet, your bad days can live on forever.

Check out one federal bankruptcy judge's evaluation of a motion entitled : "Defendant's Motion to Discharge Response to Plaintiff's Response to Defendant's Response Opposing Objection to Discharge."

Pay special attention to footnote 1 on page 2 of this gem.
Click the images for to enlarge.

How about little empathy?


Sunday, March 05, 2006

An Unworthy Legacy to Abide?

Some men look at constitutions with sanctimonious reverence, and deem them like the ark of the covenant, too sacred to be touched. They ascribe to the men of the preceding age a wisdom more than human, and suppose what they did to be beyond amendment. I know that age well. [It] was very like the present, but without the experience of the present. [Let] us [not] weakly believe that one generation is not as capable as another of taking care of itself, and of ordering its own affairs.

-Thomas Jefferson, The Portable Thomas Jefferson, 552, 558-61 (M. Peterson ed. 1975).

Cass is hosting what is shaping up to be a real doozy of a conversation regarding the propriety of maintaining the Electoral College as the nation’s vehicle for the election of our Chief Executive. “Grim’s” comment to that discussion regarding the repeal of the Seventeenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, however, nudged a sleeping peeve of mine that, rather than clutter Cass’s comments with tangential matters, I'll plop as some Sunday Morning reading here in hopes that it will generate a parallel discussion on representative democracy versus popular rule. To wit, should the United States repeal Clause 1 of the Seventeenth Amendment?

Clause 1 of the Seventeenth Amendment provides

The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators from each State, elected by the people thereof, for six years; and each Senator shall have one vote. The electors in each State shall have the qualifications requisite for electors of the most numerous branch of the State legislatures.

A legacy of Jacksonian populism, the Seventeenth Amendment grew out of decades of wrangling between “progressive” Democrats, such as William Jennings Bryan (who also promoted Prohibition and railed against Darwinism), and “conservative” Republicans, such as Senator George F. Hoar of Massachusetts, and Elihu Root of New York. (See references below at ***.) The Seventeenth Amendment is clearly also the lesser-discussed of this nation’s wide-eyed constitutional blunders (the other being Prohibition). I scanned my two fat volumes of Constitutional Law, and was not surprised to see that nowhere in the combined four thousand pages is there even a mention of this controversial amendment.

In recent years, however, there is growing scholarly debate regarding the repeal of the amendment and the return to the prior system of having state legislatures appoint the federal representatives of that state (an important concept that is routinely overlooked by populist supporters of the amendment). One of the strongest and most independent voices to be heard from the Senate Floor in many years, former Senator Zell Miller of Georgia, declared in no uncertain terms that the Amendment should go, even going so far as to introduce legislation to that effect.

The question being asked is this: Has the Amendment’s goal of uncoupling the corruption of the Senate by monied special interests by providing for direct election of the state’s representatives to the federal government has so succeeded that its benefits outweigh the necessary concession of state authority under the federalist concept of our Constitution?

In my view, it has not, by any measure, so succeeded. But the question is an important one, and deserves healthy debate. As Jefferson said, nothing is constitutionally sacrosanct, and the blunders of our Fathers need not burden the nation forever.

I’ve given you some good stuff to read on a lazy Sunday, so pour yourself a Bloody Mary and get started. I hope I’ll hear how you would answer the question presented. No hurry, though. Right now, we've still got to figure out what to do about the Electoral College. I'll figure a way to put this bit back on the front burner every now and again.

Thanks, Cass, for the forum, and Grim for the inspiration.

***For those of you needing a quick refresher on the history of the amendment, I've located a brief PowerPoint presentation that gives you the bones of the matter. Wikipedia also has a nicely accurate synopsis. You’ll need to look elsewhere for the flesh, and there’s no better article to start with than Democratizing the Constitution: The Failure of the Seventeenth Amendment, by C. H. Hoebeke, (UVA! GO HOOS GO!). You’ll also find a good summary of the arguments for repealing the Seventeenth Amendment in Ralph Rossum's book, Federalism, the Supreme Court and the Seventeenth Amendment, and in his superb lecture The Seventeenth Amendment and the Death of Federalism.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Get Two and Skip The Turbo

Okay, dog lovers. Here's the facts:

OWNING a dog over the course of its lifetime now costs as much as a new Mercedes, according to the latest figures.

The total bill for expenses such as vet's fees, food, kennels and other necessities adds up to an average of £22,000...*

In the survey, 68 per cent of dog owners said there was nothing better than the unconditional love and companionship they received in return for the outlay - although 29 per cent complained about dog hairs and 14 per cent about the smell.

Of course, even in Scotland 68+29+14= 111, which means that 11% of those surveyed are lying through their teeth about there being "nothing better" than a dog's unconditional love and companionship. But I digress. Why would somebody prefer the company a four-legged smelly hairball to the rich feel of fine Corinthian leather beneath their butt and 400 horses at the tap of a toe? Ya got me.

That isn't to say that I dislike dogs. I don't. But seeing as every dog on the damned planet already thinks that I'm his best pal ever, I don't see why I have to actually own one instead of spending that money on something loud and black and shiny.

Then again, Henry the Dog rdr (pictured at left in his "cute" phase) is also loud and black and shiny, all 115 pounds of him. But a Carrara 4s won't stick its nose into the private parts of every house guest or leave nose smudges on every door and window, or deposit long streaks of dried drool down the sides of the car and a pile of hair under the table.

Then again, a Porsche also won't alert me to impending danger every *&^%$# time the doorbell rings, fart under the dinner table, or chase mrs. rdr's cats around the house until every throw rug is jumbled up against the walls.

The reason I bring this up is that there have been recent rumblings in the rdr home regarding the necessity for another four-legged eating machine to reside with us. It seems that as Henry the Dog's law school education is almost complete, he might not be able to come back home every weekend, thus leaving a gaping hole in mayhem production. Of course, when animals are considerred, the rdrs want nothing less than overkill. Yes, the words "Harlequin Great Dane" have indeed been uttered aloud.

Of course, I'm on to them. They know that when faced with a Great Dane, I'll be only too glad to accept a Rhodesian Ridgeback, which is exactly what they really want. See how cute they are? These little adorable little creatures grow up into things that kill lions. No sh*t.

So if one day you hear the silent sound of an electronic scream ringing through the blogosphere, you will know that I have succumbed once more, and that there is no Turbo in my future, unless it's one that answers to that name...wagging its tail.

*That's $38, 568.20, or roughly the amount it takes to board a trio of &%$#*&@ horses for a year.


Friday, March 03, 2006

One, without the Other, is...


Three Olives, To Go

"Drunkenness does not create vice; it merely brings it into view."
-Chief Seneca, Native American and A Real Wiseguy

How did I miss this story?

Martinifest leaves art museum shaken and stirred
Milwaukee Feb. 27, 2006
The glistening white Santiago Calatrava addition has made the Milwaukee Art Museum one of the city's classiest social addresses. But a recent martini fete held there turned into an overcrowded, drunken affair. Some unruly guests accosted artworks, which have been taken off display for a checkup.

People threw up, passed out, were injured, got into altercations and climbed onto sculptures at Martinifest, a semi- formal event organized by Clear Channel Radio and held at the museum Feb. 11, according to several people who attended or worked at the event.

(This is what passes for a "semi-formal" event in Milwaukee? I'd love to see these folks when they go all out!)

"Hindsight is 20-20 . . . it was probably too cheap," Kerry Wolfe, a local programming director for Clear Channel, said of the event's premise - unlimited martinis for $30.

(Not to pry, but what was your first clue that people were taking advantage of unlimited martinis?)
"It was crazy," said attendee Kathleen Christians, 39. "People were shoving people over. People were getting sick, screaming, shouting, messing with the artwork."
A group of four young men climbed onto "Standing Woman," a tall, bronze sculpture of a goddess-like woman with exaggerated features by early 20th-century American artist Gaston Lachaise.
"They were standing on it, grabbing the boobs, and somebody was just taking pictures with a cell phone," said Laura Collins, 35.

(Hmmm...sounds like a typical night at Delta House. Were there any adults around?)

At the event, several vendors ran out of food, drink mix and vodka early on. Some who ran out of mix started pouring straight shots of vodka, according to several accounts.

(I'll take that as a "no.")"

We were hoping for a little sophistication, maybe," said Casey Rataczak, 27, a Wicked Hop bartender. "People were shoving their martini glasses in my face and not wanting to talk about the product . . . they were just worked up about getting their booze."

(Is EVERYBODY associated with this event a complete dope? We're talking about what amounts to FREE BOOZE! Who's gonna ask questions about the stuff. Pour 'em a glass of lighter fluid and they'll chug it down and tell 'em It's FREE dammit!)

"We were sardined in," said Collins, a first-time museum visitor. "People, boy, they wanted their martinis."

(Hmmm...Absolut sardinis!)

Tina Zarnoth, 32, said: "It just seemed right off the bat that things were chaotic. There were too many people there . . . people were getting rowdier and rowdier by the hour."
Denise Curran, 34, a lab technician who was injured when someone leaned onto a table that fell onto her legs, said, "You couldn't go anywhere, there was no flow."
"My whole calf is one big, nasty bruise," she added.

(I know Wisconsin is the Dairy State and all, but do you always bring your cows to parties? *groan*)


Police reported nothing major at the fest, but several attendees described minor injuries and other unpleasantries.
"We had seen this girl who had fallen," said Jamie Zwicky, 29, an emergency room nurse who attended the event. "She had a laceration on her head and some blood coming down . . . she looked very intoxicated."

(Getting stitches don't hurt as much when you're completely plastered. Not that I would know anything about that, of course.)

A man who got into what Wolfe called a "family feud" with another man jumped from an outside terrace on the south side of the museum, several reported. The hospital where the man was taken told Wolfe the man was going to be fine.

(Survey says! Jumps from the balcony and only sustains brief hospitalization!)

Zarnoth saw a few guards - removing a drunken young woman.

"Her arms were slung over them and her feet were dragging, basically," Zarnoth said. "I'd say that was pretty passed out."

(Semi-formally pretty, we trust.)

Clear Channel plans to stage another Martinifest in 2007 - in a larger location, Wolfe said.

(Let me suggest Lambeau Field , folks. It's the Home of the Cheeseheads, but I think you Knuckleheads will fit right in.)

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Nominations for Idiot of the Year Now Closed

Johnson to resign from Richmond School Board
'Marijuana was medicinal'

Richmond School Board member Stephen B. Johnson

says he will resign from the board after being caught with marijuana at Richmond International Airport. This comes three months after Johnson caused a public furor when he posted his profile on a pornographic Web site where men often cruise for sex.

"Did we learn anything interesting in school today, Johnny? "
"Oh, boy, Mom. Did we ever!!!!"

We'll save a spot for your trophy in the case, Johnson.
Thanks for playing.