I'm still nosing away at the old grindstone, but I thought I drop off a small batch of completely useless items to keep you distracted as you waste away the last work day of the year.
Think of it as just a big year-end close-out on all the worthless junk and assorted oddities collected these last 12 months by your deranged host, thinking that one day they'd morf themselves into a completly pointless post.
That someday is today, folks. So, let's get started. Shall we?
Is your breakfast routine the same old, same old every stinking day of your miserable humdrum life? Are you tired of having to choose between eating sugar-coated chocolate marshmellows or something brown and crunchy that tastes like sawdust? Then you should try the latest idea in carbohydrate marketing! The power-punching life-enhancing goodness of adult-oriented theme cereals. (Minor naughty bits.)
Seriously, who comes up with the ideas for products like this? " Say, Phil. I been work on a new flavored dairy beverage. I call it 'Pizza Moo.' Waddya think?" "Well, Bill. I think you're completely certifiable. Now back away from my desk, please... but slowly."
Another important thought that you should be having today is about what to get that for that special guy or gal for Valentines Day (which is just a brief six weeks away!). Through intensive research, I may have discovered the perfect gift for that hard to please loved one in your life. It's an amazing breakthrough, and how we ever got by without this in our tender years, I'll never know.
And speaking of gift ideas...
I remember the Silver War. Damned divorce took almost five years. But I just gotta get one of these for the kids. It's not only a great way to get rid of the empties, but they can make kindling out of Mrs. Grumley's front porch at the same time!
Evenpilotsflyinwiththeirknees do it.
Let's do it. Let's fall in Loooooove!
Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's plane!
Now this photo is just plain cool.
Equals... I dunno. Nine tiny holes in a spam can?
Baby, I'm holding a spatula and wearing nothing but an apron and a smile. Let's make pancakes.
Did you ever google your own name to see what came up? Well I did, and good Gott in Himmel get a load of this hit:
I don't know what any of it means, but if they're hiring, I'll be sprechen the deutsche before springtime!!!
So that's it, folks. Another whole 'nother year pumped into the ol' shredder at Heigh-ho. I do hope, that over these past seasons, my negligent efforts towards creating this mess have made you want to
think a little laugh a little stay awake at work scratch your head and worry deeply about the future your children face. It's okay. That's the expected reaction. Just put your head between your knees and breathe. Breathe. Breathe, dammit...
Good. It's gonna be okay. Everything is gonna be okay.
Now, take a cup of kindess with me, my friends, and let us take a few moments to remember how both wonderfully blessed, and terribly fortunate we all are. [Ignore the idiomatic conflict...you know what I mean, we're freakin' happy, right?]
Here's to a brand-new, never-been-kissed, unreturnable 2006 for you and yours. [clinks all around]
And may we never be afraid to leave a few of our tags open.
*You blog. I bloog.