Friday, December 30, 2005

It's the BIGGEST Blooging* Event of 2005, Ho!!!

Everything Must Go Go Go!!!!
I'm still nosing away at the old grindstone, but I thought I drop off a small batch of completely useless items to keep you distracted as you waste away the last work day of the year.
Think of it as just a big year-end close-out on all the worthless junk and assorted oddities collected these last 12 months by your deranged host, thinking that one day they'd morf themselves into a completly pointless post.
That someday is today, folks. So, let's get started. Shall we?

Is your breakfast routine the same old, same old every stinking day of your miserable humdrum life? Are you tired of having to choose between eating sugar-coated chocolate marshmellows or something brown and crunchy that tastes like sawdust? Then you should try the latest idea in carbohydrate marketing! The power-punching life-enhancing goodness of adult-oriented theme cereals. (Minor naughty bits.)

Don't worry! Even if they taste like crap, you can always drown them in this stuff.

Seriously, who comes up with the ideas for products like this? " Say, Phil. I been work on a new flavored dairy beverage. I call it 'Pizza Moo.' Waddya think?" "Well, Bill. I think you're completely certifiable. Now back away from my desk, please... but slowly."

Another important thought that you should be having today is about what to get that for that special guy or gal for Valentines Day (which is just a brief six weeks away!). Through intensive research, I may have discovered the perfect gift for that hard to please loved one in your life. It's an amazing breakthrough, and how we ever got by without this in our tender years, I'll never know.

And speaking of gift ideas...

I remember the Silver War. Damned divorce took almost five years. But I just gotta get one of these for the kids. It's not only a great way to get rid of the empties, but they can make kindling out of Mrs. Grumley's front porch at the same time!

This idea for a kid's toys is...well... odd.
You don't want me to explain what "Kiss" and "Bajs" mean in Swedish, do you? Just believe me that "Kiss" and "Bajs" were the first two things your parents taught you not to play with.* The marketing concept may perhaps just a little too *cough* European for Yankee sensibilities. You be the judge. Visit their cool website to learn more. Or not.
Birds do it. Bees do it.
Evenpilotsflyinwiththeirknees do it.
Let's do it. Let's fall in Loooooove!

Rough neighborhoods.

Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's plane!

It's..... what the hell is that thing??????

The comic was pretty good, but I'm waiting on the action figure.

Now this photo is just plain cool.

I found it on a Japanese photoblog. Once I got the Google "translator" to work, I discovered the title of the shot is "DNA." What else? Nicely done, champ. You can click for bigger.

Equals... I dunno. Nine tiny holes in a spam can?

Well it's about time!I'm always spelling "shizzel" wrong.

Baby, I'm holding a spatula and wearing nothing but an apron and a smile. Let's make pancakes.

Did you ever google your own name to see what came up? Well I did, and good Gott in Himmel get a load of this hit:

I don't know what any of it means, but if they're hiring, I'll be sprechen the deutsche before springtime!!!

Or maybe not. What the heck is this?

It looks like the Executive Committee found the keys to the schnapps cabinet again.

Thudda-thump- thudda-thump-thudda-thump!

Whoa! Whoa! Okay, okay! I got it! Enough of the bullsh*t! Okay!

So that's it, folks. Another whole 'nother year pumped into the ol' shredder at Heigh-ho. I do hope, that over these past seasons, my negligent efforts towards creating this mess have made you want to think a little laugh a little stay awake at work scratch your head and worry deeply about the future your children face. It's okay. That's the expected reaction. Just put your head between your knees and breathe. Breathe. Breathe, dammit...

Good. It's gonna be okay. Everything is gonna be okay.

Now, take a cup of kindess with me, my friends, and let us take a few moments to remember how both wonderfully blessed, and terribly fortunate we all are. [Ignore the idiomatic know what I mean, we're freakin' happy, right?]

Here's to a brand-new, never-been-kissed, unreturnable 2006 for you and yours. [clinks all around]

And may we never be afraid to leave a few of our tags open.

Happy New Year, kids.

-spd rdr

*You blog. I bloog.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Turnin' and Burnin'

I'm mired in about 16 different "TOP PRIORITY" projects at the moment. So I'm going to be cranking work stuff out instead of the pithy bullsh*t this site usually delivers.

In the meantime, I want you all to read this mind-blowing piece from The New York Times Science section on the mysteries and magic of the quantum theory. Here's a tease

Nary a week goes by that does not bring news of another feat of quantum trickery once only dreamed of in thought experiments: particles (or at least all their properties) being teleported across the room in a microscopic version of Star Trek beaming; electrical "cat" currents that circle a loop in opposite directions at the same time; more and more particles farther and farther apart bound together in Einstein's spooky embrace now known as "entanglement."

Oh boy oh boy, is that good!

There'll be a short quiz given later, so pay attention!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

I Haven't a Clue

Do you?

Melvin and Hobbs

I am too busy right now to be of much use to the blogosphere.
So today I thought I'd try something new. Instead of just reguritating lamer news stories about lamesters doing lame-os, (but always with that special sauce that makes Heigh-ho the internet fast food giant that it is), I am going to regurgitate old law junk I've created and try to pass it off as something interesting to read!**

Okay, where to start? I got it! How about a nice little ditty on the "Hobbs Act?" No, I said the "Hobbs Act." H-O-B-B-S space A-C-T. No, it has nothing to do with a tiger or a kid peeing on a NASCAR number in the back window of a pickup truck. Why do you ask?

It's about (drum roll) political corruption!!!!!! ***

Okay, wake up back there in the ...back. This could actually interest you. Probably not, but you never know. Have you ever made a bribe or offered a kickback campaign contribution to a government official?

Me neither.

But lots of other folks do, and they need to know stuff like: "When I stuff hundreds into the cleavage of the candidate's hot trophy wife for lap dances, what percentage of that is tax deductable?"

Of course, I haven't a clue. I'd check with your tax advisor to see whether the value of a lap dance has been keeping with inflation. But I do know that if you give a thing of value to an official, elected, appointed, or otherwise barely breathing carbon unit waiting until its safe to suck off the big retirement tit of your federal, state, or local government, you get a lot more accomplished you must be careful of appearances.

So, without further ado, I give the first installment of my forthcoming bestseller,
"The Compleate Guide To Extortion: How You Can Do It Yourself And Feel Good About It: Using the Hobbs Act for Fun and Profit."


The Hobbs Act, 18 U.S.C. 1951, provides, in pertinent part:

(a) Whoever in any way or degree obstructs, delays, or affects commerce or
the movement of any article or commodity in commerce, by robbery or extortion or
attempts or conspires so to do, or commits or threatens physical violence to any
person or property in furtherance of a plan or purpose to do anything in
violation of this section shall be fined not more than $10,000 or imprisoned not
more than twenty years, or both.

(b) As used in this section

(2) The term “extortion” means the obtaining of property from another, with
his consent, induced by wrongful use of actual or threatened force, violence, or
fear, or under color of official right…. [1]

Should a public official promise to act in his official capacity in exchange for a thing of value to which neither he nor his office is entitled, that official has committed extortion in violation of the Hobbs Act. See, United States v. Mazzei, 521 F.2d 639 (3rd Cir. 1975). The public official need not initiate the transaction or make an affirmative demand for money or other things of value to violate the act.

The official acts performed or promised to be performed that have given rise to Hobbs Act prosecutions touch upon every kind of governmental function; casting votes in legislative bodies, licensing agencies, regulatory boards or commissions and zoning authorities, issuance of permits or licenses or influencing the termination of enforcement actions or prosecutions. The “things of value” that have been conferred on public officials include items from cash to gifts of tangible personal property, use of vacation properties, intangible business rights, clothing and jewelry, and sporting events tickets.

Passive acceptance of a thing of value by a public official is sufficient to form the basis of a Hobbs Act violation if the official knows that he is being offered a payment of money or other thing of value in exchange for a specific exercise of his official power[2] See, Evans v. United States, 504 U.S. 255, 258-59 (1992). The exercise of official authority or a promise to exercise such authority is an essential quid pro quo necessary to establish a Hobbs Act violation. Fulfillment of the quid pro quo is not an element of the offense, however, because the violation is completed when the public official receives a payment in return for his agreement to perform, or refrain from performing, an official act. Id. at 268. Even if the official’s promise to perform an official act is worthless because the official does not have the authority to carry out his promise, the quid pro quo is deemed fulfilled upon the official’s acceptance of payment.

The Act requires that there be some interference with interstate commerce. Courts, however, have broadly interpreted that requirement. The Third Circuit has held where the resources of an interstate business are depleted or diminished in any manner by extortionate payments, “the consequent impairment to conduct an interstate business is sufficient to bring the extortion within the play of the Hobbs Act,” even where such the burdens placed on commerce are indirect. Mazzei, 521 F.2d at 642.

The Supreme Court has ruled that “extortion…in no way depends upon having a direct benefit conferred on the person who has obtained the property,” United States v. Green, 350 U.S. 415, 420 (1956). For example, the performance of an official act in return for a contribution to the official’s political party has been held to violate the Hobbs Act. It is necessary, however, that there be both a deprivation to the victim and an acquisition of property by the official for extortion to exist under the Act. The public official must “obtain” something of value that he can “exercise, transfer, or sell.” United States v. Nardello 393 U.S. 286, 290 (1969); see also, Scheidler v. National Organization For Women, Inc., 537 U.S. 393 (2005) (holding that merely depriving a person of their property right of exclusive control of their business assets was insufficient to constitute extortion under the Hobbs Act where the official could not exercise the property right so deprived).

A recent case, United States of America v. Joseph Hoffman, 2005 WL 762100, slip op. (E.D.Pa. Apr. 4, 2005), 66 Fed. R. Evid. Serv. 1121, is instructive regarding application of the Hobbs Act to actual crimes versus attempted crimes. Although certain aspects of the alleged crime (conspiracy) were not fully consummated, the court held that because the indictment properly alleged an attempt to violate the Hobbs Act, the crime was complete when the Defendant agreed to accept payoff.[3] See also, United States v. Jannotti, 673 F.2d 578, 591-94 (3d Cir. 1982) (holding that jurisdiction over attempted Hobbs Act violations was proper because the defendants had agreed to do acts, which had they been attainable, would have affected interstate commerce); United States v. Rindone, 631 F.2d 491, 494 (7th Cir. 1980) (holding that the offense of attempted extortion is complete when the bribe is solicited and before money is actually transferred).

The district court stated in Hoffman that

In an attempt case, “[t]here is no requirement that there be an actual effect on
interstate commerce – only a realistic probability that an extortion will have
an effect on interstate commerce.” United States v. Peete, 919 F.2d 1168, 1774
(6th Cir. 1990); see also, United States v. Rodriguez, 360 F.3d 949, 957 (9th
Cir. 2004) (finding that Hobbs Act attempt convictions may be based on sting
operations); United States v. Bailey, 227 F.3d 792, 797 (7th Cir. 2000) (stating
that “because Hobbs Act criminalizes attempts as well as completed crimes, the
Government need not even prove that interstate commerce was affected, only that
there exists a realistic probability of an effect on commerce”).

Hoffman, 2005 WL 762100 at *2

In a footnote, the district court in Hoffman provided the following example of the considerable reach of the Hobbs Act when assessing the potential impact of a violation on the Commerce Clause:

Although the Government need not prove an actual effect on interstate commerce
in order to prove an attempted Hobbs Act violation, the Government notes that in
this case several taxi companies which operated in interstate commerce were
affected because the liabilities of the several taxi companies to the City of
the Philadelphia were reduced. See, e.g., United States v. Peete, 919 F.2d at
1175 (“the [Hobbs Act attempt] case before us is easy because the Government
alleged and proved that the private business that [the defendant] solicited was
engaged in interstate commerce”). Thus, the Government presented evidence that,
even though F.B.I. money was used, Hobbs Act violations occurred because there
was a reduction in the ticket liabilities of the taxi companies that operated in
interstate commerce.
Hoffman, 2005 WL 762100 at *2, n.3

One important exception to the foregoing involves political campaigns. Absent unusual circumstances, promises made by candidates, including incumbents, to supporters in return for campaign contributions will generally not constitute violations of the Hobbs Act. Courts have viewed the political process as one in which the inducement of financial contributions in response to campaign promises is an inherent part of political communication and is therefore protected by the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. Thus, a campaign contribution, without more, is not a violation of the Hobbs Act. See, United States v. McCormick, 500 U.S. 257 (1991)[4]

Finally, although such instances are rare, some courts have held that private persons may violate the Hobbs Act prohibition on obtaining property “under color of official right,” where the person holds himself out as being able to exercise control over those who are public officials. See, e.g., United States v. Lena, 497 F.Supp. 1352(W.D. Pa. 1980), affirmed 649 F.2d 861. Generally the “victims” of extortion by a public official “under color of official right,” face prosecution for classic bribery.

In sum, a prudent public official should be take great pains to ensure when offered any “thing of value” that the person offering it has no expectation of receiving any official act in return. A private person should take similar care when offering any thing of value to a public official, lest he run of risk of prosecution for bribery. If there is the slightest doubt as to whether a gift to a public official might be construed as a “transaction” both parties should politely decline.

[1] Although private persons may violate the Hobbs Act through the use of violence or threats of violence (as can public officials) neither fear nor threats of violence are required for there to be a violation of the Hobbs Act by a public official. See, United States v. Kenny 462 F.2d 1205, 1229, (3rd Cir. 1972).
[2] It should be noted that merely accepting of a thing of value by an official does not, in and of itself, violate the Hobbs Act. Officials routinely accept token gifts, lunches, travel expenses, etc., to which neither the official nor the office he occupies, may be entitled, but yet do not violate the Hobbs Act because there is there is no quid pro quo expected.
[3] The Indictment specifically charged that Defendant,
unlawfully obstructed, delayed and affected commerce and the movement of articles and commodities in commerce, and attempted to do so, by extortion, in that, defendant HOFFMAN unlawfully obtained and attempted to obtain property and things of value…under color of official right.”
Hoffman, 2005 WL 762100 at *2, n.2
[4] The “more” being a quid pro quo. “In such situations, the official asserts that his official conduct will be controlled by the terms of the promise or undertaking.” McCormick, 500 U.S. 257 at 273.

There now! Doesn't you head just absolutely hurt with excitement?

Tune in tomorrow when for the griipping story of "Due Process of Doom: Voiding for Vagueness in the Heart of the Big City"



** For those of you playing at home, the number of words in that sentence was 49.

***(For those of you who are not wing-ding literate, the characters shown emulate the following letters (in no particular order of course): p-o-l-i-t-i-c-a-l- c-o-r-r-u-p-t-i-o-n)

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Another Christmas...

...and another bar of soap.

But then again...

It's Christmas!
And it's time to hand out the presents!

To KJ: A sweet, sweet, law suit (taken pro bono, of course) that slaps the ACLU silly and results in allowing one's faith in God to once again be expressed wherever, whenever and however one so chooses, in accordance with the designs of those who framed the Constitution. Plus attorney’s fees. And…as a kicker...a package of tax breaks.

To Pile On: One more year of Roger Clemons pitching for the Astros. And (in a few short years…trust me) to have Nolan Ryan’s grandson marry the fetching Ms. Onlette and produce the next Texan to win 30-games and the Cy Young.

To Cassandra: A phone that never rings. A clock that never ticks. A cup of fresh, fragrant coffee always within your reach. And the peace and quiet necessary for you to become the truly great writer that yet slumbers within you. And two reams of paper to get your a** started.

To a former european: French lessons.

To Cricket: Wood smoke and oranges. It is the perfume of contentment. Enjoy.

To Portia: A cab whenever you raise your hand. A walk across the Brooklyn Bridge in the spring sunshine. A view of the River. A view of the Park. Fresh bagels and shashimi. Lunch at the Carnegie Deli. And Johnny Damon.

To Masked Menace: A couple of more years on your mush. For crying out loud, you look like a freakin’ kid, MM. And lose the cat. We hate cats because we own four of the evil bastards.

Okay. So I'm jealous. Get over it.

To Pooke: EasyPass, baby. Your whole life on Easy Pass. Easy Pass and an open lane.

To Liberal Larry: Penis enhancement. It may help clear up a bunch of things, Lar.

And to my vastly under-appreciated readers from their plainly over-served host: Merry Christmas, peoples. I hope you get want you wanted. And if not, that you at least get some new underwear.

God bless us all, everyone.
Merry Christmas.

I love you guys.

I Might As Well Get This Over With...

You are dead to me Damon.
DEAD. D-E-D dead.

Merry $%$#@$ Christmas, a**hole.

We now return to our regularly scheduled Christmas cheer.

I feel much better now.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Stories that you don't want to see your name in No. XXII

Democrat family values?

Wife of Congressman Involved in Bar Fight
DETROIT (AP) -- The wife of Democratic U.S. Rep. John Conyers has been accused of punching a woman in the eye during a bar fight.

A spokesman for Monica Conyers, a city councilwoman-elect, confirmed Friday that she was involved in an altercation. But he said Conyers merely defended herself after being attacked by another woman.

Strange. I didn't see anything about his on his blog.


Columbus Mayor's Wife Gets 3 Days in Jail
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) -- The wife of Mayor Michael Coleman pleaded guilty Wednesday to being drunk when she ran into a parked pickup truck with her car in October, and a judge sentenced her to three days in jail.
"I made a mistake, I've accepted the consequences and I want to move on with my life. That's all," Frankie Coleman said in Franklin County Municipal Court.
Attorneys for Coleman, 55, had fought the charge, which carries mandatory jail time and was based on a breath test that found she had a blood alcohol level of 0.271 percent - more than three times the legal limit for driving of 0.08 percent.
Mayor Michael Coleman, a Democrat, had recently dropped out of the governor's race citing family issues. He accompanied his wife to the court appearance.

Frankie and Monica should get together.
They'd make such a fun pair.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

A Christmas List

So long as I'm dreaming, I might as well do it in color.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Momma, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Lawyers

To all my friends, and acquaintances:

I am sorry for any and every slight I've shown y'all these last days.
My cup runneth over.
The schedule of the courts is beating me like a pile-driver.
My hair's on fire. My fingernails gone.
My Christmas cards sit unsigned.
A thousand emails sleep unanswered.
My holiday spirit is still corked with frustration.
And I mourn deeply for a sweet, sweet child.

I've run out of time. Out of patience. Out of peace. Out of courtesy.
I can only await redemption. Or death. Or glory.

Or I can by-god go out and change it.
And work my butt off. And get it all done.
And hope you'll still be there to pick me back up.
And remind me.

All things considered, I'll choose the latter path.

I'm not that smart,
but I figured out some time ago
That it's not so much what you make of life.
As it is what life makes of you.

And it means the world to me.
People like you.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

For Liddy...

...who will forever be eight years old.

And I will stroll the merry way
And jump the hedges first
And I will drink the clear
Clean water for to quench my thirst

And I shall watch the ferry-boats
And they’ll get high
On a bluer ocean
Against tomorrow’s sky

And we shall walk and talk
In gardens all misty wet with rain
And I will never, ever, ever
Grow so old again

Oh sweet thing, sweet thing
Sugar-baby with your champagne eyes
And your saint-like smile....

-Van Morrison

Be generous.

Thank you.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Out of Pocket

Hello. I am Mrs. Cackleberry, senior office assistant here at rdr, bldm & sqzm, P.C.

I'm afraid mr. rdr is either on the phone, under his desk, or out of the office somewhere today. I really don't know and I could care less. I'm going the spa as soon I finish making this recording. If you'd like to leave a message for mr. rdr, have at it. He never returns his calls anyway.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Taking The Day Off

The legal wrangling lasted well past dinnertime at the firm Christmas party last night.

See you tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Attitude Post, Bad

Yeah, well, the hell with it.


Sometimes you see a headline that makes you cringe. It jumps out at you like a tiger from the bushes and screams "Are you man enough to read the story?" You know the feeling. You spot the words and then hesitate before leaping into the meat of the matter. You take a few breaths and ask yourself: "Do I really need to read this? Might the information contained beneath the bold lettering be just a bit more than it is absolutely necessary for me to know?"

Remember the famous N. Y. Daily News headline after Amy Fisher blasted Joey Buttafuoco's wife? "Long Island Lolita" it screamed, and every single male over 11 immediately read the paper, whereupon he just as immediately felt ashamed of himself.

Well, then help me out here. This is a headline I spotted this morning while trolling for snappy ideas to get you to vote for Heigh-ho at the Weblogs Awards. I kid you not:

Pregnant Skydiver Survives Face-First Fall

Ok. What should I do here? The possibilities contained in those six words are absolutely breathtaking. "Pregnant skydiving" alone brings a curious shudder to one who has lived such a sheltered existence as I. Is this some kind of a sport? Does this kind of thing go on all the time? What am I missing in life?
"Survives" is a good news kind of word, but when coupled with "pregnant" and "skydiving," it takes on ominous overtones. Survives what? No not that! It can't be that!
That's when the next three words slam into you like a freight train: "Face-First Fall."
By this time I am in free fall myself. Do I dare read the story? Maybe it's good news. Maybe its the story about pregnant woman who used to skydive and who tripped over a cat and landed face down on the carpet. Yeah, maybe that's the story.
But what if it isn't? What if I get into the text and I find out all sorts of horrible things that I really really really don't want to know?
And there's the rub. If I don't read the story I'll never know and instead my imagination will run away with me and give me nightmares. But if I do read that story, then the facts may haunt me for days and give me nightmares.
I need a little guidance from the thousands of faithful Heigh-ho readers.
You read the story (if you dare) and then tell me: Do I? Or Don't I?
Thanks for your support.

Monday, December 12, 2005

CSI: Hair

I'm guessing it's the one that's about to pour a pitcher of martinis over her head. It appears to be a tad early in the day for such antics, seeing as the twins are still clad in their adorable, identical, sheer blue nighties. And why is Sister #1 smiling so? And what's with the tongue on Sister #2? And where are her hands anyway?

Oh. My. God.
DOES SISTER #2 HAVE THE TONI??? They're NOT! Tell me they are not. Not in the bathroom! Not in their Mom's bathroom!!! Not...Wow.

Excuse me for a few minutes.....


*sigh* I'm back.

I suppose you're wondering where the hell I'm going with all this. Me too. You see it just sort of came up all of a sudden. I was reading this article about baby boomers being a bunch of selfish jerks who won't grow up, or some such nonsense, and the next thing you know I'm thinking about those smelly permanents that women use to give themselves back in the day. Google was at hand and one thing led to another and, well, here we are...discussing hair permanents and redhaired twins.

Stick with me for a few more paragraphs, folks. It's bound to get more interesting.

While I was engaged in deep research on the subject I discovered that there is a Japanese rock band named "The Permanents." This has nothing to do with anything, I just thought that you would like to know that.

But something else I stumbled across has provided me with whole minutes of head-scratching entertainment. It's the Antique Hair Museum in French Lick, Indiana.
Or maybe it's Tony Kendall's Wild Hair Museum, it's kind of hard to tell. One thing is for sure, it is unusual and it is in French Lick, Indiana, the home town of Larry Bird. Which has has nothing to do with anything, I just thought that you would like to know that.

At the online antique hair museum you can see such marvels as a picture of a strand of Elvis' hair, and an antique "hair wreath," which seems a little creepy to me, but I'm sure it keeps the crowds coming in.

There's all sorts of strange implements, too, such as this scary looking device that appears to be used to electrocute hair. If any body can identify the object or what it does, please keep it to yourself. I want to be surprised on my next trip to French Lick.

But without question, this is the machine that stands out among the Hair Museum's vast collection of... er... stuff. This ladies and gentlemen is what they are going to strap Tookie Williams to tomorrow morning before they send him off to greet his victims.

Well, no, not really. But as serious journalist I thought it obligatory to mention the anticipated demise of this celebrity murderer. Plus people that are Googling that bastard's name might also stumble into Heigh-ho and learn about the wonders of the Antique Hair Museum.

All seriousness aside, this machine is the reason that the redhaired twins are going ga-ga in the bathroom over the Toni Home Permanent kit. You see in the old days before the home permanent women would go into mysterious places called "beauty parlors" (although why, I don't know) to have their hair subjected to torture. The device at left is such a torture machine. Horrible isn't it? I'll bet you could get a terror suspect to talk in five minutes using one of these...depending on the locality of the curls.

Anyway, that's what I learned today. And now you've learned it too.

I want to remind you that it's this kind of hard-hitting investigative journalism that puts Heigh-ho in the company of blogs, such as this one which is written by a seven year-old and is kicking my butt in the "Best of the Rest" voting.

Please, don't let me lose to a kid. I beg you.