Thursday, November 03, 2005

The Court of Intellectual Bankruptcy

Hi everybody and welcome to today's "How Stupid Do You Think I am?" The game that tests the capacity of elected officials to treat you, the reader, like a complete moron! Today's contestant comes to us from today's Wall Street Journal letters to the Editor.

Senator Murkowski !!!!
Come on down!!!!

That 'Bridge to Nowhere' Is Span to Better Future

Your Oct. 21 editorial "Coburn the Barbarian" misrepresented Alaska's Ketchikan/Gravina Island bridge project, funded in the recent Transportation Reauthorization bill. The proposed bridge, which Sen. Tom Coburn of Oklahoma and countless media outlets deride, is not a "bridge to nowhere." It is a bridge to Ketchikan's future.

Although Ketchikan has abundant natural resources, options for economic development are limited by its geography -- it's surrounded by fjords, wilderness areas and rocky cliffs. The way to spur economic growth is by developing Gravina Island, some 20,000 acres of private and state land that is ideal for industrial and residential improvements. The local government has prepared a balanced land-use plan for private homes, businesses, industrial facilities, harbors and ample green spaces to maintain environmental values.

The problem is access. Currently, Gravina Island is accessible only by small ferry, on which it is impossible to reasonably carry out large-scale development activities. The idea that a bridge would serve "only 50 people" is an easy sound bite and rank propaganda.

Ketchikan is the regional hub for cargo, health-care needs, the Coast Guard, and a growing maritime industry. The bridge will also serve more than one million visitors each year.* The community has worked for more than 30 years to secure funding for a bridge -- ever since the federal government built the airport on Gravina. It is asking for nothing more than exactly the same kind of bridge connection that is enjoyed by communities throughout our nation.

Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R., Alaska)

Thanks Senator! Okay, folks, we've run Senator Murkowski's letter through our patented "Heigh-ho Idio-matic Tabulatron" to gauge just how dim-witted the Senator thinks the American public really is. The results are in! Let's take a look!

Wow! She's right down there in Harry Reid territory! Yes sir! That's a record new low for a sitting Republican Senator. Let's got to our panel of experts for their analysis.


And there you have it folks. Senator Murkowski thinks the American taxpayers are absolute morons. Why, we must be. Otherwise, how could we have possibly permitted the federal government to build a freaking airport on an island that you can't get to except by boat? It's clear to me that this situation just begs for a response involving hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars more!

Unfortunately, Senator, your bridge to nowhere is a bridge too far. And WE ain't buying it.

I support the Fiscal Watch Team Offset Package.

And I suggest that you invest in a kayak.

* One million visitors a year is roughly the same number of people that attended all of the Dallas Cowboys and Chicago Bears homes games combined during 2004. Even there was a $2 toll for the bridge it would take 107 years to pay for itself. That is, if half of the Senator's "one million" visitors weren't geese.


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spd rdr said...

Go to hell.

KJ said...

What's the matter spd. You against making money now?

Nice story BTW. I love the airport. Ferries leave the airport quite often. You can rent a car and drive right onto the ferry.


Pile On® said...

Spd, I just hope you never find yourself surrounded by fjords. You might just want a bridge, and you might just wish you had made some money

spd rdr said...

I am a Porsche surrounded by "fjords."