Monday, January 09, 2006

Uncle Teddy's Fairy Tales

I never do contests, mainly because I always win. But this, this... monstrosity just begs for some snappy wit and abuse.

I can't thank Cassandra enough for providing what is most assuredly a sign that The Apocalypse is upon us.

What should Uncle Teddy's next children's book be titled?

How about: "Splish, Splash, I was Taking a Drive?"

Now its your turn. The best entry gets a copy of Teddy's book. Ha!


KJ said...

Why does every murderer and slut from Tookie to Madonna think they can make it all OK with a friggin' so called children's book.

They aren't fooling me. They aren't writing "children's books" at all. They are writing books for the adults that support them, but at their reading level.

OK, I guess I need a children's book title.

"Trust Fund Living For Toddlers"

"Teddy And The Bootleggers Go To Vegas"

"Why Does My Senator's Intern Keep Referring To Doggie Style"

Cassandra said...

I don't have a children's book title yet. I'm too tired and brain dead. But I promise I will come up with one after I finish work and have a drink. I'm must numb.

Huh. I decided to leave it that way. I'm *just* numb... ugh. Why do we work again? Oh yeah... the paycheck thingy. That check wasn't worth it, KJ.

I want to go to the beach.

spd you need to do a photoshop for my stunningly funny entry (when I come up with one). Splash the portuguese water dog nudging a life preserver with his nose, and dog paddling in the drink, with a keg of Chivas Regal around his neck.

And I want "His" on the keg around the keg on the mutt's neck and "Hers" painted on the life preserver.

The Adventures of Splash, the Amazing Rescue Dog

(Dammit, save the Chivas first, you mangy mutt!!!)

spd rdr said...

"Where the Social Security Ends"

"Splash One: The Complete Guide For The Child Mixologist"

"'Daddy's Drunk Again': Cute Excuses For Everyday Mistakes"

portia said...

This is too good not to share:

"Developed from working dogs brought by invaders and settlers to the Iberian Peninsula, the Portuguese Water Dog has aided Portuguese fisherman for many centuries. He herded and caught fish, carried messages between ships, retrieved anything that fell overboard, and guarded the catch and boats when in port."

"Dummies Guide for Naming Your Pet"

"Splash and Ted's Excellent Adventure: A dog's eye view of Chappaquiddick"

"Pat the Bottle(s) "

Cassandra said...

I knew there was a good angle on that Portuguese Water Dog thingy - I was just too slow to figure it out. Good job Portia.

Cassandra said...

Wow. I didnt even post my earlier comment with my titles. Oh well.

spd rdr said...

""Learning To Crawl: Man's Best Friend Teaches His Owner How To Get Home Safely On All Fours"

a former european said...

Daaaahhh, Rovaah, go fetch my pants! Whaah did Ah leave them this time?

Alternatively, "Dogs who are ashamed of their humans out-of-control behavior".

A must read! And they DARED yell at US for sticking our muzzles in peoples' crotches and humping their legs! -- Fido, NY Dog Times

Destined to be a bestseller! WE get punished for pooping and peeing on the floor, but I've never seen anyone take a rolled up newspaper to Ted Kennedy! -- Spot, Daily Dog Herald.

I couldn't put it down! We get mocked for chasing our own tails, but Ted Kennedy has chased more tails than ANY horndog. -- Patches, Atlanta Journal and Constipated Dog.