BRUSSELS - Oct 9, 2005 - HH News Service
Reports of heavy fighting are emerging from eastern Belgium as European troops and fighter-bomber aircraft under the control of the United Nations have begun a systematic annihilation of the of blue forest-dwellers known in the west as "Smurfs." The diminutive Smurfs, known for their pure-white clothing and turban-style headresses, have long been suspect in Belgium (German for "doormat") for a radical lifestyle that is becoming increasingly incompatible with that of a rapidly changing Europe.
"You have to understand," said one E.U. diplomat on the condition of anomynity, "There are dozens and dozens of tiny blue shirtless men out there, all living in the same village with only one female between them! You figure it out." Said another, "Look at the size of their noses, mon ami. They are nothing but blue jooooos!"
Although reports are still sketchy, it is reported that the spiritual leader of the raucous fundementalist sect, known only as "Papa Smurf," escaped the bombing and is reported to be holding up with a cadre of hardcore fighters in the hills bordering Luxemburg and Germany.
Combined U.N. and Belgian forces are pressing the fugitives Smurfs from the west, while the Code Pink armies, led by Cindy Sheehan drive down from the north. "We'll get those little fascist bastards," Mother Sheehan told the assembled crowd of reports. "No little blue people are going to knock me off the front page. I've got absolute moral authority!"
Meanwhile to the south, three French armies have returned home after failing to find any Smurfs to surrender to. "It was scary," said one French commander. "We could hear them out there singing and playing thier little instruments...in the dark! At one point we all got lost foraging for mushrooms, but we still couldn't locate the little fellers." No word yet on whether the mushrooms were tasty.
Meanwhile, back at U.N. Headquarters, Secretary General Kofi Anan held a news conference calling for a full investigation into reported atrocities carried out by U.S. forces in occupied New Orleans. "The United Nations will not rest until there is a full accounting of the thousands of people killed, raped and starved at the Convention Center," he said. "Moreover, it is the responsibilty of the U.N. to make sure that sufficient no-bid reconstruction contracts are awarded to companies in developing nations, a list of which I have in my pocket."
6 comments:
"You have to understand. There are dozens and dozens of tiny blue shirtless men out there, all living in the same village with only one female between them!"
And the problem is?
Oh man. I was just coming to grips with the perversion of Sponge Bob, Square Pants. I'm not sure this is what Hanna/Barbera had in mind, but it brings new meaning to Saturday morning cartoons.
Interesting. Wikpedia is considering deleting the Smurf entry.
Smurf Communism?
What are these people smoking out there?
Bombing Smurfs!? Sounds like the work of Huckleberry Hound to me! Damn Cowboy warmongers.
No Smurf blood for Oil!
All I got to say is if the so-called religious leader "Papa Smurf" is cloning himself (to create decoys for bombers?), we're all in really big trouble.
afe:
I checked. Belgium does too have an army, and it's "one team ready to act." It may be other things too, but I can't tell because the rest of the site is in French. But I'm sure that they'd still be no match for a determined Smurf commando unit.
They could probably give you a really bad case of indigestion after eating too much of their chocolate.
Post a Comment