Sunday, June 11, 2006

iPodding Seriously Damages Your Chances of Getting Laid

In a City that never closes, a store that never sleeps (very cool link).

Him: Honey? Honey?? [nudge, nudge] Are you sleeping?
Her: Arrggghhh. I was until you woke me. [Yawn] What time is it?
Him: I don't know. It's 5 o'clock somewhere.... I can't sleep.
Her: [looking at clock] You woke me up at 3 AM to tell me that you can't sleep? You're going to be the death of one of us.... Why don't you try reading another page of that beach book spd was oohing and ahhing about a couple weeks back, Team of [Sleepless] Rivals. That'll have you snoring in no time flat.
Him: I can't. spd is right. The book's too heavy to hold up in bed. I'm afraid it'll give me carpal tunnel syndrome. I'm thinking that....
Her: *Sigh* Not again.
Him: "Not again" what?
Her: "Not again" you know what. Geez, honey, you're killing me here. This is the third time this week!
Him: But I can't sleep. Please? Please baby? I'll be quick. You won't even notice.
Her: Whatever....But next time [yawn], don't wake me up...just do what you have to do, and tell me all about it in the morning.
Him: Promise.
Her: Good.
Him: You're the best.
Her: Yeah, yeah [yawn] I know. That's what you told me last night and the night before that and .... zzzzzzzzz.
Him: How 'bout I pick up a couple of bagels on my way home from Fifth Avenue. Butter or a schmear?
Her: Both [yawn].

Him: Will do. Sweet Apple (TM) dreams....
Her: Groan. Ya know what [yawn] my precious Nano (TM) ?
Him: What?
Her: I finally figured out what the "i" in iPod stands for: Impossible. Just like you. Say hello to your buddy
Steve for...zzzzzzzz

I have no idea how many iPods Steve Jobs had to sell to open this 24x7x365 temple of consumerism nor how many more iTunes songs I have to download in order for the 300 full-time staff to keep their Jobs (TM). Frankly, I don't care.

All I know is that right now the sexy, little black
item I picked out the other day at the Apple Store is giving all those other sexy, little black items I own a run for their money.

Don't ask me to choose. Not yet, and not while I'm in shuffle mode.

(posted by "iPod, therefore I am" Portia.)

7 comments:

Fuck You Google said...

Dude, this blog rocks!

I love it.

spd rdr said...

Dude, if I was again given the choice between sharing my blog password with a red-haired New Yorker and surrendering to a squadron of uniformed flying monkeys, I'd think seriously about the simplicity of peeling bananas.

portia said...

And dude, if I was again given the choice between contributing to a blog owned by a goatee-wearing Richmonder and surrendering to The Big Bad Wolf, I'd think seriously about the simplicity of taking a walk through the woods.

I understand the rdr family is buying you a new iPod for your birthday...your 60th! Eat your heart out, my passe one:)

Anonymous said...

Dudette, that's cold! :)

Sure, spd is rather goaty, of course, he's an old Navy guy (ya know, that Navy goat, ....never mind!)
Walk in the woods? Does a tree grow in Brooklyn?

I think mr rdr has a curse to be plagued by red-haired women. We should all be so lucky! :)

-Don Brouhaha

portia said...

Dudette, that's cold!

HA! You should have read a few of the scenarios I'd consider that didn't make it past the censors:)

Besides, he started it, and as a cartoon in this week's New Yorker says: If you're going to go down that road, be prepared for two-way traffic :)

Anonymous said...

Really. I think his spd-iness will be 52 in August, not 60. :)

And after being married (to a red headed woman) and raising 11 daughters (with red hair), he should know better by now. :)

(I guess it's like eating potatoe chips.)


Who knew that blogging could be so dnagerous! No good deed goes unpunished.

-thus endeth todays lesson.

-Don Brouhaha

portia said...

(I guess it's like eating potatoe chips.)
That, or he has a death wish:)

You're right about the number of candles on spd's cake. We're born in the same year of the Lord, a couple of miles and 18 days apart. Although he's referred to me as his doppelganger, we have different mothers...and to the best of our knowledge, different fathers, too. Right spd? spd?