Saturday, June 17, 2006


Dear Forbes Magazine:

Once again you've published your annual "Celebrity 100" list, and reminded me why it so important that I continue my struggle to remain completely ignorant of American pop culture. Never have I witnessed on a single page a more depressing assortment of social irritants ranked "in order" of their "celebrity power."

You want proof? Tom Cruise is ranked #1. Quod erat demonstrandum.

Ok, I know that not every one of these over-exposed luminaries is without redeeming value. For example: Michael Schumacher, ranked 30th on your list, is the greatest Formula 1 driver in history, and is still going strong at 37 in a sport that breaks the mental and physical endurance of those half his age. Schumi is truly an international icon (except perhaps in NASCAR-land, where, as you know, there are only left turns).

But who comes in just above Shumi at number 29? None other than than that world superstar Simon Cowell. Who the hell is Simon Cowell? A judge on a TV talent show is ranked higher than a man who won FIVE world championships? Uh, ok. We all have our priorities... I guess.

But how about this for a line up: 56. Paris Hilton 57. Adam Sandler 58. Derek Jeter 59. Jennifer Lopez . Sorry, Jeter. Sure, you've won a couple of World Series rings. Sure, you're on your way to the Hall of Fame. Sure, when they retire your number 2, you'll be the last Yankee to wear on single digit on his pinstripes. But, Derek, you are no Adam Sandler!

To be honest, I don't even know who half these people are. Ty Pennington? Rachael Ray? Larry the Cable Guy? WTF??? Where is Professor Stephan Hawking? Where is Alan Greenspan? Where is Henry Kissinger? Where is John Updike? Tom Wolfe? Where the hell is Barry Bonds????

Perhaps I just have a different idea of what makes one a "celebrity."
But at least my idea is not insane.

Yours truly,
spd rdr


portia said...

Well. I'm encouraged that "you' guys would choose Condeleeza over Oprah, but what's with Leno over Clinton? To me it's no brainer. He'd be near the top of my dinner companion wish list right behind Tony Blair:) but knowing how you feel about Clinton I'm curious: Leno or Clinton? Motorcycles or Monica?

spd rdr said...

I thought about Bill and Al Gore as top-shelf "celebrities," but then discounted them because he was an elected official - who by their very nature are unquestionable celebrities. Now I submit: is Mother Sheehan a "celebrity?" Ann Coulter? Eric Rudolph? What's amiss here?