Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Feds To Investigate Punctuation Shortage in Vermont

Today's winning Letter to the Editor comes to us from the Boston Globe.

The reckless George Bush is to blame
September 19, 2005

THIS SHALLOW, reckless, monolithically complacent man who touts his belief in the philosophy of Jesus but advocates tax cuts for the richest of the rich instead of succor for the poorest of the poor, who has entangled us in an unnecessary, unwinnable, and increasingly murderous war against shadows, who consistently favors the interests of big business over those of the imperiled environment, and appoints an official of the International Arabian Horse Association to be in charge of managing horrors like Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath, surely the second George Bush is not the only one to blame for his insane and tragic chapter in our history, but it is hard to imagine a more appropriate symbol of it than the never-to-be-forgotten Mission Accomplished dance he did on the carrier's deck for all the world as though he really believed it.


Well! Mr. Buechner's 140-word sentence not only leaves one breathless in the writer's ability to pile adjective on top of adjective, thus pulling the reader into the downward spiral of doom and depression that so typifies everything about the Bush administration, even going so far as to hammer the stake through the heart of the matter with a pointed reference to Bush’s Mission Accomplished dance, which according to the Mr. Buechner Mr. Bush didn't really believe in anyway, thus making him not only a "monolithically complacent man," but a murderous dancing liar as well, but also in Mr. Buechner's uncanny skill at manipulating the English language in such a manner that, when read in its entirety, and despite the awesome opportunities for debate–stirring argument the subject offers, he still manages to avoid making a lick of sense, although his punctuation conservation is enormously appreciated. Really.


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