Wednesday, September 28, 2005

We Will Bury You...Soon

Breaking news:

Kremlin Official Calls for Lenin's Burial
Sep 28, 2005
MOSCOW (AP) - A senior aide to President Vladimir Putin said Wednesday the time has come to bury the embalmed body of Soviet founder Vladimir Lenin - a statement that could
be the Kremlin's attempt to gauge public reaction to the divisive issue.

Lenin's Corpse patiently awaits internment.

Georgy Poltavchenko, Putin's envoy to the Central Federal District, said Lenin's body should be removed from its granite tomb on Red Square and buried in a cemetery along with remains of other Bolshevik dignitaries. "In the winter it's not so bad,"Poltevenchicko Polkadotchicca Georgy said. "But in the summer, ewwwwwwwww! The whole Kremlin stinks like sunbaked prune yogurt! "Poltavchenko said he was voicing his private opinion on the matter and did not elaborate, except to say "Please don't use my name in the news story! Please I'm begging you!"

Putin has said in the past he was against burying Lenin's body, but would'nt object to burying Georgy. "Here I am trying to rebuild this nation in the image of our glorious past," said Putin angrily, "and this слабоумный is trying to plant the star attraction! Putz."

Lenin, dead as his political philosophy since 1924, has occupied a refrigerated cube in the heart of Red Square long coveted by Starbucks as the site for a new coffeehouse. " A spokesperson for the Seattle beverage chain speaking on a condition of anomynity, said only that it is "company policy to remove corpses from their stores once they finish their lattes." The spokesperson also hinted that Starbucks is somewhat disappointed that the U.S. Supreme Court's holding on eminent domain in Kelo isn't applicable in Russia. "We would have had a field day with that one," he added.

About 400 Bolshevik leaders and other dignitaries also were buried along the Kremlin wall during Soviet times. Tens of millions more were buried in the more rustic setting of Central Siberia. Former President Boris Yeltsin strongly pushed for removing Lenin's body, but he was stopped by vigorous opposition from the Communist Party and others. Putin said in 2001 he opposed removing Lenin's body from its Red Square tomb so as not to disturb civil peace in the country.
"Many people connect their own lives with the name of Lenin," Putin said at the time. "Burying Lenin would mean ... that they had lived in vain."

The Romanov family could not be reached for comment.


Cassandra said...

The spokesperson also hinted that Starbucks is somewhat disappointed that the U.S. Supreme Court's holding on eminent domain in Kelo isn't applicable in Russia.

And here I could have sworn that ruling was based on an international precedent straight from Mother Russia...

My, we're feeling snarky today, aren't we counselor?

Very funny. I may only need one beer now to improve my foul mood.

spd rdr said...

I have always been struck by this picture of the Romanovs. Look at the pride in the eyes of Nicholas: his wife, Alexandra, is beautiful and nurturing; his daughters are dutiful, and yet possess a quiet thoughtfulness; his son clings securely to his boot, but does not yet stray far from his mother's skirts. Look at the bloom on Anastasia. She is her father's joy.

Such lives they had yet to live.

Add another young man in a military uniform and that could be me and mine...right down to father's goatee.

Their brutal murder will always symbolize the criminal foundation upon which the communist state was established, and thus its lack of legitimacy, irrespective of its decades of ruthless party rule.

After committing regiscide, mass murder is just all in a day's work.

portia said...

Hilarious, spd. Creative writing's loss is legal brief writing's gain...particularly when they merge:)

I have been fascinated by the their story since reading "Nicolas & Alexandra," and the follow up book "The Final Chapter." What a fabulous story of passion and mystery and tragic history.

DNA aside, my romantic side still clings to the belief that Anna Anderson was Anastasia. Could be the makings of a good CSI segment, spd.

Cassandra said...

The children on the left look like my cousins on my Dad's side. Funny how that whole branch of the family except for Dad have red hair. I must have 14 cousins, all redheads. But my Dad's hair is almost black and mine and my husband's is dark brown. Then it skipped a generation: both my sons had reddish hair, and it doesn't look like it will turn as dark as mine did -- genes are strange. The only thing that bred true was the brown eyes (Mom's are hazel and she was blonde until her 20's, so I suppose I could have had a son with blue).

Beards must have been in my horoscope yesterday. I had lunch with a friend in VA - hadn't seen him for a few months. His back was to me when I came in to the office and he flipped around (a thing he does - it's kind of a joke) and he'd grown a goatee on vacation! Shocked the hell out of me, the devil :D

He was grinning from ear to ear.