Wednesday, September 14, 2005

In Other Florida News....

Lunchtime news:

Police arrest suspect in Jacksonville samurai

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - Police say they have
arrested the man who used a samurai sword to rob a lunchtime crowd of $32.

Matthew Scott Ball, 31, was being held Wednesday at the Duval County Jail on $102,506 bail on armed robbery and possession of drug paraphernalia charges.

Ball was arrested late Monday, hours after the robbery at the Mudville Grille.

Witnesses said the robber whipped the sword across two tables, clearing the tabletops of condiments, before slamming his hand on the counter.

Several patrons emptied their pockets and the man grabbed the cash and fled in a green minivan. It was later found abandoned with the sword inside.

Police said witnesses identified Ball from a photo lineup. His next court
appearance was scheduled Sept. 30 and there was no information immediately available on his legal representation.

Sigh.... This story raises so many questions it's hard to know just where to begin.

  • The headline says that this was a "samurai robbery." Yet it does not inform as to what all of these samurai were doing at the Mudville Grille when Mr. Ball burst in with his sword. Wasa this the scene of some kind of Samurai Kiwanis lunch meeting? Or was the sword itself robbed? And if so by whom?
  • Was John Belushi the server?
  • Why is was the bail set at $102,588 instead of $102,587? Local taxes gone up again?
  • What has Mr. Ball got against condiments?
  • Are you telling me the all the patrons in this restaurant put together could only come up with $32?
  • Did the victims have to pay for their lunches? With what?
  • The green mini-van was described as being found "abandoned," but no mention that the sword was also "abandoned" by Mr. Ball. Were the sword's feelings hurt by this callous oversight?
  • What do they mean "no information" is "immediately" available about Mr. Ball's legal representation. We know two things for sure: 1) it will be a lawyer, and 2) he's going to lose this case.

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