Sunday, September 04, 2005

Mr. Chief Justice Rehnquist 1924-2005


I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotepotenuse

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinapinafore

Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General

In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin"
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat"

When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy
You'll say a better Major-General had never sat a gee

You'll say a better Major-General had never sat a gee
You'll say a better Major-General had never sat a gee
You'll say a better Major-General had never sat a sat a gee

For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General

Rest in peace, Mr. Chief Justice.
Thank you for your service to this Nation.

7 comments:

portia said...

Nice.

Cassandra said...

He was certainly determined to die in harness. I hope he will finally get a well-deserved rest.

spd rdr said...

His was a life well lived, and by his service a Constitution was well preserved. The fact that he also had a spirit of genius and humor only butters the bread.

Where it thou'st now, federalism? Now that thy knight hath withdrawn from the field, his cloak slung heavy with victory's rememberance? Pray, that thy should soon cast heart upon another dulcid champion. One bold and bear and lucid as thine own departed saint. The mood, beyond the Court's outlyers, doth swing to your advantage. Take heed! And care to choose wisely thy saviour, thy pony, and thy steed.

Your humble servant,
Blowhardismous IV.

Cassandra said...

Well that tears it.

I really must find out what the heck you are lacing your potables with, mr rdr - whatever it is, it's not half as good as all this prescription garbage I'm loaded to the gills with.

You're killing me :)

portia said...

Maybe it has something to do with spd believing he has been unleashed from the sin qua non of lowering the seat. I give it a day...if that:)

More nice, Blowhardismous IV.

Andrew Undershaft said...

Interesting. I didn't know Gilbert and Sullivan were at all popular in the US.

- Andrew

spd rdr said...

I wouldn't say G&S are "popular" in the U.S. Andrew. We save that for such luminaries as Michael Jackson and Brittany Spears. Let's just say that their operatic works are not unknown to us. And it's well known that the Chief Justice was a huge fan.