Friday, December 30, 2005

It's the BIGGEST Blooging* Event of 2005, Ho!!!

Everything Must Go Go Go!!!!
I'm still nosing away at the old grindstone, but I thought I drop off a small batch of completely useless items to keep you distracted as you waste away the last work day of the year.
Think of it as just a big year-end close-out on all the worthless junk and assorted oddities collected these last 12 months by your deranged host, thinking that one day they'd morf themselves into a completly pointless post.
That someday is today, folks. So, let's get started. Shall we?

Is your breakfast routine the same old, same old every stinking day of your miserable humdrum life? Are you tired of having to choose between eating sugar-coated chocolate marshmellows or something brown and crunchy that tastes like sawdust? Then you should try the latest idea in carbohydrate marketing! The power-punching life-enhancing goodness of adult-oriented theme cereals. (Minor naughty bits.)

Don't worry! Even if they taste like crap, you can always drown them in this stuff.

Seriously, who comes up with the ideas for products like this? " Say, Phil. I been work on a new flavored dairy beverage. I call it 'Pizza Moo.' Waddya think?" "Well, Bill. I think you're completely certifiable. Now back away from my desk, please... but slowly."

Another important thought that you should be having today is about what to get that for that special guy or gal for Valentines Day (which is just a brief six weeks away!). Through intensive research, I may have discovered the perfect gift for that hard to please loved one in your life. It's an amazing breakthrough, and how we ever got by without this in our tender years, I'll never know.

And speaking of gift ideas...

I remember the Silver War. Damned divorce took almost five years. But I just gotta get one of these for the kids. It's not only a great way to get rid of the empties, but they can make kindling out of Mrs. Grumley's front porch at the same time!

This idea for a kid's toys is...well... odd.
You don't want me to explain what "Kiss" and "Bajs" mean in Swedish, do you? Just believe me that "Kiss" and "Bajs" were the first two things your parents taught you not to play with.* The marketing concept may perhaps just a little too *cough* European for Yankee sensibilities. You be the judge. Visit their cool website to learn more. Or not.
Birds do it. Bees do it.
Evenpilotsflyinwiththeirknees do it.
Let's do it. Let's fall in Loooooove!

Rough neighborhoods.

Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's plane!

It's..... what the hell is that thing??????

The comic was pretty good, but I'm waiting on the action figure.

Now this photo is just plain cool.

I found it on a Japanese photoblog. Once I got the Google "translator" to work, I discovered the title of the shot is "DNA." What else? Nicely done, champ. You can click for bigger.

Equals... I dunno. Nine tiny holes in a spam can?

Well it's about time!I'm always spelling "shizzel" wrong.

Baby, I'm holding a spatula and wearing nothing but an apron and a smile. Let's make pancakes.

Did you ever google your own name to see what came up? Well I did, and good Gott in Himmel get a load of this hit:

I don't know what any of it means, but if they're hiring, I'll be sprechen the deutsche before springtime!!!

Or maybe not. What the heck is this?

It looks like the Executive Committee found the keys to the schnapps cabinet again.

Thudda-thump- thudda-thump-thudda-thump!

Whoa! Whoa! Okay, okay! I got it! Enough of the bullsh*t! Okay!

So that's it, folks. Another whole 'nother year pumped into the ol' shredder at Heigh-ho. I do hope, that over these past seasons, my negligent efforts towards creating this mess have made you want to think a little laugh a little stay awake at work scratch your head and worry deeply about the future your children face. It's okay. That's the expected reaction. Just put your head between your knees and breathe. Breathe. Breathe, dammit...

Good. It's gonna be okay. Everything is gonna be okay.

Now, take a cup of kindess with me, my friends, and let us take a few moments to remember how both wonderfully blessed, and terribly fortunate we all are. [Ignore the idiomatic know what I mean, we're freakin' happy, right?]

Here's to a brand-new, never-been-kissed, unreturnable 2006 for you and yours. [clinks all around]

And may we never be afraid to leave a few of our tags open.

Happy New Year, kids.

-spd rdr

*You blog. I bloog.


Pile On® said...

Great post.


spd rdr said...


portia said...


Very good finish to 2005, spd. Thanks for all the silly and serious posts throughtout the year. Your graphics rock as does your writing...even if you did lose to an 8-year old in the Weblog Awards contest:)

Happy New Year to you and your Ho rdrs.
May your right hand always be stretched out in friendship but never in want. (Irish toast)

*clink, clink* [I know it's early but not too early for some much needed hair of the dog.]


spd rdr said...


Pooke said...

Happy New Year Spd! Thanks for a good years worth of Sh!tz and giggles.

Cassandra said...

Happy New Year, mr rdr.

spd rdr said...

Happy New Year grlz!
*clink* *clink*

KJ said...

Happy New Year and great post.

You find the best pictures.

See you betwix
now and the end of 2006.

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year, old man! I've joined you in the "over 50" crowd, so let's burn our AARP cards and get drunk on tequila.
Keep up the good work. I try and read "heigh-ho" every day; it keeps me regular (like Bran!).

"Don Brouhaha" ?

spd rdr said...

Thanks, KJ.
We shall meet again on the fields of er...Home Depot.

Happy New year, man.

And, Oh my my my!
Is that really Don Brouhaha come to call?
Hey man! Long time no see.
Come around sometimes and leave for us those little brown nuggets of your infinite wisdom! :-)

Happy New Year, guys.
It''l all be just fine once we get the kinks worked out.
*clink* *clink*