Monday, December 12, 2005

CSI: Hair

I'm guessing it's the one that's about to pour a pitcher of martinis over her head. It appears to be a tad early in the day for such antics, seeing as the twins are still clad in their adorable, identical, sheer blue nighties. And why is Sister #1 smiling so? And what's with the tongue on Sister #2? And where are her hands anyway?

Oh. My. God.
DOES SISTER #2 HAVE THE TONI??? They're NOT! Tell me they are not. Not in the bathroom! Not in their Mom's bathroom!!! Not...Wow.

Excuse me for a few minutes.....

*cigarette*

*sigh* I'm back.

I suppose you're wondering where the hell I'm going with all this. Me too. You see it just sort of came up all of a sudden. I was reading this article about baby boomers being a bunch of selfish jerks who won't grow up, or some such nonsense, and the next thing you know I'm thinking about those smelly permanents that women use to give themselves back in the day. Google was at hand and one thing led to another and, well, here we are...discussing hair permanents and redhaired twins.

Stick with me for a few more paragraphs, folks. It's bound to get more interesting.

While I was engaged in deep research on the subject I discovered that there is a Japanese rock band named "The Permanents." This has nothing to do with anything, I just thought that you would like to know that.

But something else I stumbled across has provided me with whole minutes of head-scratching entertainment. It's the Antique Hair Museum in French Lick, Indiana.
Or maybe it's Tony Kendall's Wild Hair Museum, it's kind of hard to tell. One thing is for sure, it is unusual and it is in French Lick, Indiana, the home town of Larry Bird. Which has has nothing to do with anything, I just thought that you would like to know that.

At the online antique hair museum you can see such marvels as a picture of a strand of Elvis' hair, and an antique "hair wreath," which seems a little creepy to me, but I'm sure it keeps the crowds coming in.

There's all sorts of strange implements, too, such as this scary looking device that appears to be used to electrocute hair. If any body can identify the object or what it does, please keep it to yourself. I want to be surprised on my next trip to French Lick.


But without question, this is the machine that stands out among the Hair Museum's vast collection of... er... stuff. This ladies and gentlemen is what they are going to strap Tookie Williams to tomorrow morning before they send him off to greet his victims.

Well, no, not really. But as serious journalist I thought it obligatory to mention the anticipated demise of this celebrity murderer. Plus people that are Googling that bastard's name might also stumble into Heigh-ho and learn about the wonders of the Antique Hair Museum.

All seriousness aside, this machine is the reason that the redhaired twins are going ga-ga in the bathroom over the Toni Home Permanent kit. You see in the old days before the home permanent women would go into mysterious places called "beauty parlors" (although why, I don't know) to have their hair subjected to torture. The device at left is such a torture machine. Horrible isn't it? I'll bet you could get a terror suspect to talk in five minutes using one of these...depending on the locality of the curls.

Anyway, that's what I learned today. And now you've learned it too.

I want to remind you that it's this kind of hard-hitting investigative journalism that puts Heigh-ho in the company of blogs, such as this one which is written by a seven year-old and is kicking my butt in the "Best of the Rest" voting.

Please, don't let me lose to a kid. I beg you.

3 comments:

a former european said...

Good one, Spd! I think I read the same article about Boomers. I think it was way too light on them, personally.

While I could rag on self-absorbed Boomers all day, I really just posted to request a thread on the French. I have not been able to unleash a good mocking of the Frogs in a while. The Smurf/Belgie thread a while back was good, but the French really need a good kick in the ass periodically just on general principles.

Can you help a bruthah out, my man?

spd rdr said...

Hmmmmmm.....
Can the French vote for me?

a former european said...

For the right amount of money, the French will do anything.