Tuesday, December 13, 2005


Sometimes you see a headline that makes you cringe. It jumps out at you like a tiger from the bushes and screams "Are you man enough to read the story?" You know the feeling. You spot the words and then hesitate before leaping into the meat of the matter. You take a few breaths and ask yourself: "Do I really need to read this? Might the information contained beneath the bold lettering be just a bit more than it is absolutely necessary for me to know?"

Remember the famous N. Y. Daily News headline after Amy Fisher blasted Joey Buttafuoco's wife? "Long Island Lolita" it screamed, and every single male over 11 immediately read the paper, whereupon he just as immediately felt ashamed of himself.

Well, then help me out here. This is a headline I spotted this morning while trolling for snappy ideas to get you to vote for Heigh-ho at the Weblogs Awards. I kid you not:

Pregnant Skydiver Survives Face-First Fall

Ok. What should I do here? The possibilities contained in those six words are absolutely breathtaking. "Pregnant skydiving" alone brings a curious shudder to one who has lived such a sheltered existence as I. Is this some kind of a sport? Does this kind of thing go on all the time? What am I missing in life?
"Survives" is a good news kind of word, but when coupled with "pregnant" and "skydiving," it takes on ominous overtones. Survives what? No not that! It can't be that!
That's when the next three words slam into you like a freight train: "Face-First Fall."
By this time I am in free fall myself. Do I dare read the story? Maybe it's good news. Maybe its the story about pregnant woman who used to skydive and who tripped over a cat and landed face down on the carpet. Yeah, maybe that's the story.
But what if it isn't? What if I get into the text and I find out all sorts of horrible things that I really really really don't want to know?
And there's the rub. If I don't read the story I'll never know and instead my imagination will run away with me and give me nightmares. But if I do read that story, then the facts may haunt me for days and give me nightmares.
I need a little guidance from the thousands of faithful Heigh-ho readers.
You read the story (if you dare) and then tell me: Do I? Or Don't I?
Thanks for your support.


Anonymous said...


Dont worry, the fetus is doing fine. . . I never knew fetuses (feti?) could do anything.

spd rdr said...

Well that's good news.

KJ said...

Some group of pregnant skydivers is breathing a sigh of relief. And breathing. And breathing.