Bikini Discounts

Having just returned from the beach where my daughters and their friends attracted all sorts of attention for their remarkable ability to cram their entire bodies into swimsuits no larger than a cigar wrappper, I find this story a bit unsettling. It seems that a South Korean beach town in a desparate attempt to lure scantily clad women (and thereby ogling men) to their shores is advertising a 10% discount to any woman wearing a bikini, or guy wearing a Speedo. And it's not working.

"Since it's called Bikini Beach, we thought we should give visitors an extra incentive," said Gang Heung Ueon, a spokesman for Buan County, sitting at a beachside fish restaurant specializing in clam porridge and raw cod.

A poster of a bikini-clad woman in the restaurant explained the new incentive, in effect since July 7: "Show off your bikini! Get a 10 percent discount on top!"

Call me old-fashioned, but I'm not really all that interested in a 10% discount on raw cod. What other incentives have you got?

In Seocheon County, directly north of here, "Amenity Seocheon" is the motto used to advertise the region's unspoiled wilderness. The county also proposed a dog-eating festival for lovers of the meat, which is considered a delicacy in Korea.

Um...no. That's not going to get me into a Speedo, thank you very much. How about some entertainment?

The beauty contestants, still in their one-piece swimsuits, showed off their talents. A few sang. One would-be flight attendant gave airplane information in Korean, Japanese and English. Another walked suggestively around the stage. An especially tall contestant danced a sexy dance, towering over the M.C., who compared her to an eel.

Now you're talking. Nothing gets the old motor started like a stewardess in a one-piece explaining how a seat belt works. And the eel woman sounds pretty slippery too. But I've got a better idea: Free Beer. It never fails.


As a side note, I'm still digging out from vacation, so pardon me if I'm absent for long stretches.
Have a free beer on me.