Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Lions and tigers and a she-moose, Oh My!

And the great beasts came down from the mountains and crossed the seas and descended upon the cities — the hind and her fawn, leaping fences in the southeast Bronx; the black bear, stout but fleet of foot, stealing through the streets of Newark; the seals of the harbor sunning themselves by the score upon the hospital ruins of Staten Island. And the coyote prowled the West Side and took up quarters in Central Park. And the dolphin beached itself on the Turuks' sandy yard in Throgs Neck. And the she-moose, 21 hands high, strayed within 30 miles of the city gates. And the wise men stroked their beards and scratched their heads, and they finally declared, "This is not normal."

I'll say. There's a reason that some of us folks choose to live in the city, and it ain't to be closer to nature. Sheesh. If I need face time with wild animals I'll go to the zoo, or better still, head to the nearest pub and cozy up to a Moosehead...on tap.

(posted by "that's goes for you too, Bullwinkle" Portia)


bluepaul said...

free tunes at my [non-profit] website!

portia said...

bluepaul, may a she-moose in heat find her way to your bedroom before dawn.

spd rdr said...

I'll start panicing when the elephants march down Broadway and the cheetahs haunt the granite canyons.

KJ said...

The worse part about animals attacking surburbia is you pretty much have to pretend they are "coming right for me" to kill them.

I once caught 5 deer in my front yard checking out my wife's recently planted flowers. I should have had every right to take at least one of them out to feed the homeless. Or me.

But nooooooooooo. They didn't charge my car, so I have to let them go.

portia said...

I recently read/heard that deer are the most dangerous wild animals in the US. I don't know if that has to do with their proclivity for crashing into headlights or the pesky--and sometimes--deadly pathogens they like to share but either way Bambi is a friend to no one…execpt maybe Disney.

I say take her "out" when you can KJ, move her carcass from the tulips to the driveway, run over her spindly legs (no meat there) once or twice, take a picture, and then stick her in your freezer.

I have a wonderful recipe for venison when you're ready:)

portia said...

I'll start panicing when the elephants march down Broadway and the cheetahs haunt the granite canyons.

Start panicing my friend. The elephants march down Broadway every time the circus is in town, and there's a Club full of Cheetahs* haunting the canyons and runways...although I understand they are the two-legged variety. At least that's what I'm told:)

(Cheetah link is on hold until spd accepts the results of last week's poll. In the meantime, use your memor..., I mean, your imagination)