Sunday, July 10, 2005

Best Advice Ever From A Left-Wing Newspaper

The London News Review's "A Letter to the Terrorists, From London":

What the f*ck do you think you're doing?

This is London. We've dealt with your sort before. You don't try and pull this on us.

Do you have any idea how many times our city has been attacked? Whatever you're trying to do, it's not going to work.

All you've done is end some of our lives, and ruin some more. How is that going to help you? You don't get rewarded for this kind of crap.

And if, as your MO indicates, you're an al-Qaeda group, then you're out of your tiny minds.

Because if this is a message to Tony Blair, we've got news for you. We don't much like our government ourselves, or what they do in our name. But, listen very clearly. We'll deal with that ourselves. We're London, and we've got our own way of doing things, and it doesn't involve tossing bombs around where innocent people are going about their lives.

And that's because we're better than you. Everyone is better than you. Our city works. We rather like it. And we're going to go about our lives. We're going to take care of the lives you ruined. And then we're going to work. And we're going down the pub.

So you can pack up your bombs, put them in your arseholes, and get the f*ck out of our city.


Cheers, mates. See ya at the pub.

3 comments:

Jehane said...

Am I the only one who has always found the word "arse" amusing for some reason?

It's really not any funnier than our "a$$", but whenever I see it, it always makes me grin.

And wow. There are centuries of English history tied up in these words:

We don't much like our government ourselves, or what they do in our name. But, listen very clearly. We'll deal with that ourselves.

I've always thought the reason the Brits were so quick to make representative government work was that they're so suspicious of each other, but so much more suspicious of being lorded over by outsiders that they'd have killed each other off if they hadn't figured out a way to work out their differences. They're a fascinating people.

Justine said...

Jolly good letter ol chap. Right on the money!

Zubari Zubari said...

Pip Pip!

What Ho!